Maybe it’s got something to do with being in my 40s. Perhaps it’s the culmination of decades of metaphysical searching and being a student of psychology. I’m pretty confident the thousands of people I’ve coached and/or “workshopped” while being in business since 2004 has got something to do with it. And maybe it’s the result of skillful listening to all the personal stories that I’ve heard. I also credit the breadth of cross-cultural experiences I’ve had and the traveling I’ve done…
Whatever the case, I AM SO *OVER* THE WHOLE PARADIGM OF CONCEPTUALIZING THINGS AS MISTAKES.
When you break down the word “mis-take”, it really just boils down to having the opportunity for another “take”.
Yet commonly, “mistake” and “wrong” are considered synonymous, and I’m done with that.
I truly don’t see choices made – especially after the fact – as right or wrong. That is far too binary and entirely too simplistic. I’m done attempting to fit things I’ve done and decisions I’ve made. and attempts at new ideas or directions, into rigid little judgement-filled, “should” and “shouldn’t”, “success” or “failure”, “right” or “wrong” categories of regret.
Are you with me on this?
I mean, really … if you haven’t done plenty of “oops” stuff in your life, you haven’t lived. (How else would we have gotten so wise and have so many terrific stories to tell, right?!?)
I have certainly taken my share of turns down roads I backed the heck out of soon after, and detours that required some serious navigation to find my way again.
But – I nonetheless have grown to love my mis-takes.
Shame need not be a badge you wear as proof that you learned a lesson.
If anything, wear a great big bright and colorful badge of self-forgiveness, self-love, personal freedom, and a sense of humor.
These alone are terrific outcomes due to a “mis-take”.
Wrong turn? Big whoopin’ deal. Now you know.
The choices you made were made from the level of understanding you had at the time. And when you know better you do better. Ready to real create momentum in a new and powerful direction? => Hire a stellar life coach and you’ll only further accelerate your success. [shameless plug I’m not sorry for]
Be honest: More likely than not, it probably wasn’t ALL “wrong”, so don’t throw “it” all out the window, unless of course that’s truly where it belongs. But much more likely, is you now have a whole lot more detail and nuanced clarity about what IS a fit for you and how to best proceed from here.
All great news.
While you’re at it, don’t hold toooo TIGHT to the new vision, because unnerving as it is, this’ll likely evolve and change too!
Because as long as you’re alive you’re going to continue to grow and change and it only makes sense that your direction will change with you. Once you get wherever “there” is, there will always be another “there” to get to. What fits ‘just right’ now, doesn’t come with a guarantee that you won’t outgrow it later. (Sorry/You’re welcome.)
And if you do, it’s just time for (yet another) “take”.
I’ve personally coached people ages 21-74. It is NEVER too late to say this is ‘not it’.
In my opinion, this is what being alive is all about. Creating. And recreating.
Our world is the laboratory and you and I are the experimenters, the creative inventors and tryer-on-ers and taker-off-ers. 🙂
The more lightness and kindness you can bring to your experiment called LIFE and its inevitable moment-by-moment unfoldings, the better – assuming you want joyful results.
Please understand: I am not in any way minimizing how difficult the process of moving through such awareness can be, and what’s really involved on the twisty-turny road to playful-living, self-love and self-forgiveness. I have cried on the bathroom floor. I’ve felt lost and alone at times, afraid I had really screwed things up.
Having been there, helps me coach others through it. Despite my Masters degree in Leadership and my Bachelors degree in Psychology, no text book I know of teaches this.
“Recalculations” and choosing a new path can be extremely messy and have some very real practical-level and relational-level impacts.
BUT – it’s still all just a big experiment! There is no eventual “arrival” in the seat of it’s-all-done-now, maybe until death. But you are alive – and so am I – and that means we are all meaning-making, change-making, improvisational manifesters and creators-of-our-own-experience. And not-a-one of us is 100% certain about what the heck we’re doing, or what exactly will result from our efforts.
It’s about being fully alive in the BECOMING.
It’s about living full out.
It’s about continuing to show up.
It’s about going for your dreams, no matter what.
It’s about being a work in progress, every minute of every day.
It’s about putting fear in it’s place (in the trunk, not at the steering wheel).
And ultimately it’s about you being YOU because, frankly, you are the world’s leading expert on your heart’s deepest, and evolving, desires.
Be your best and brightest version of you, as often as possible. Cliche as it may be, dance like noone’s watching – and dance like everyone’s watching, because really: who cares. I believe it’s also about leaving a legacy of as much JOY and good juju as you can. You may or may not feel called by a big mission-oriented cause, but don’t underestimate the impact you are – and can – make on the lives of others. Dream big. Experiment. And when you mis-step, regroup, take a deep breath, and another take.
Rant over. Thank you. Feel free to take the microphone from here.
I loved this rant… it made me think about Formula 409, so named because they got it “wrong” 408 times before finally hitting on the final winning formula. Every so-called ‘failure’ was actually a success because each one answered the question of ‘what doesn’t work’, and therefore a valid result every time, desirable or no. :o)
Thank you for sharing this, Annette! That’s fun to know!