Time management for smarties

Time management for smarties

After a bit of a hiatus while focusing on some projects I have underway, I’m happy to be back and sharing TWO GIFTS to help you champion your goals and dreams – today!

  1. An applied psychology lesson in time management 
  2. A guidebook that walks you through exactly how to take it further

 

⭐ First, the lesson:

If you feel chronically overextended, like there’s never enough time or energy to make any REAL progress on your dreams and goals, that’s a clue that something deeper is going on. 

What you THINK is the problem, likely ISN’T. 

Here’s how to identify what’s REALLY holding you back:

In the therapy and coaching space, there’s what’s referred to as the “presenting problem.” The presenting problem is what exists on the CONSCIOUS level. It’s the problem that SEEMS to be what needs solving, that if you could just find a remedy for, you’d be free!

Or so you think.

Thing is, the presenting problem is rarely the real problem. What’s really holding you back is likely happening on an UNCONSCIOUS level. 

In other words, your brain and your habits are hiding the real problem from you.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Not having enough time or energy to make progress on my dreams and goals feels like a very real problem to me, Tara!”

I completely understand. 

As a coach and author with 20+ years of bringing the psychology of change to light in empowering and accessible ways, I know how frustrating it can be to feel like there’s never enough time or energy for your dreams.

Let’s demystify this hurdle with one strategy that you can apply right away: 

At the unconscious level, people often don’t actually want and aren’t actually eager for a solution to the “presenting problem” — even when they convincingly tell you that it’s something they very much WANT! And even when they recognize that it’s a chronic problem for them.

A client example comes to mind:

Despite her awareness and seemingly emphatic desire for a solution to being “chronically overextended” (← her words), she kept saying “yes” to things!  

“Yes” to that meeting…

And “Yes” to that friend…

“Yes” to that client…

“Yes” to her kids and driving them everywhere…

The countless time management books and trainings she invested in that claim to have the answer, haven’t solved the problem. And she’s painfully aware that she’s missing out on positive opportunities and experiences simply because she doesn’t have the bandwidth to act on them!

Nonetheless, the problem persisted.

Now let me ask you this: 

If she’s AWARE of the problem and eager for a solution, WHY would she keep saying “yes” and agreeing to too much for her capacity?!? (especially knowing she has other goals she wants to prioritize and work towards, like her health and her business)

On the face of it, it doesn’t make sense.

Here’s what’s really going on:

What’s really going on is … something about it SERVES her.  

This can be hard to accept at first.

To see this more clearly for yourself, when it comes to YOU not having enough time or energy to make any REAL progress on your dreams and goals, answer these 3 questions…

Each one nudges the unconscious to become conscious. 

(1) What do you get to AVOID doing, or having to be responsible for, BECAUSE you’re overextended? 

(2) Who do you get to BE in your overextended state? What self-concept does being overextended affirm for you?  For example: Do you get to be a generous person, a kind person, an important person? Does it provide opportunities to prove – to yourself or others – that you are good? 

(3) Who would you BE if you suddenly said “no” to doing the things that keep you feeling overextended? (This question is asking you to pinpoint what might happen if you change or start doing things differently. Who might you disappoint? And what do you believe this would mean about YOU?)

While answering ALL 3 questions helps you powerfully peel back the onion and go beyond “the presenting problem” to get to the heart of the REAL problem so you can find your way to a lasting solution … answering even just ONE can be immensely helpful. 

⭐ Download the Guidebook!

Ready to take this further with FREE immediate access to my 30-page “Refreshingly Unconventional Goal-Setting Guidebook” modeled after the work I do with my private clients to create real momentum on their dreams and goals? 

Click here for your copy!

Big love, 

Will Brule Breakers Club work for me? 

Will Brule Breakers Club work for me? 

Will Brule Breakers Club work for me? 

“I’ve seen your stuff about Brule Breakers Club. Will this actually work for me?”

I get it. You’ve tried other things before, as we talked about in this message. And of course there’s the question of “do I have enough time for this, I’ve got responsibilities,” and maybe you’re concerned about what making changes will mean for you.

Again, I get it. 

But here’s the thing. 

If you:

  • Have a dream or goal that you really want to achieve, but haven’t yet
  • Feel restless and like there’s got to be more to life than this
  • Are uninspired by status quo repetition and predictably  
  • Want to BE who you know, deep inside, that you can be  
  • Never want to regret NOT going for the dreams that live in your heart and that don’t, and won’t, go away
  • Feel isolated or tired of trying to figure all this out by yourself

Then, this program is for YOU and this truth-telling message is better than any fortune cookie. 🥠

Turning the page on Survival Mode and starting the next chapter – “Thrival” Mode – doesn’t happen automatically, for two reasons:

  1. It requires time and effort to learn new skills, establish new habits, and build new levels of understanding.
  2. In addition to your life being alive and in motion, its own in-flux system, you are also in relationship with other systems – other living, breathing beings and social and societal constructs – that also are in flux and alive with motion, direction, desires, and no shortage of brules. 🥴

This is why anyone who tells you (or sells you) on one formula or a guaranteed path is either foolish enough to believe that or isn’t telling you the truth.

If you are wondering if The Brule Breakers Club will work for you, here are my crystal ball predictions:

Let me preface this by saying, having doubts and questions is absolutely 100% normal.

This is not a problem.

Sometimes people – even my clients, on occasion – fight to convince me that they can’t realize their dreams, that they can’t move the blocks, and that things just won’t work for them. (This belief that they can’t is what I call “the brain behind the brules.”)

What becomes PROBLEMATIC is when, due to these totally normal doubts and questions, people sit on the fence forever … questioning and questioning and questioning whether something will “work for them.” 

Prediction #1:

It for sure won’t work with a fencepost under your rear! 🤓

When it comes to applied psychology, behavior modification and belief modification must go hand-in-hand because one without the other simply doesn’t work and isn’t sustainable. 

A willing mindset is key. So, if you are someone who holds tight to that fence and to “this WON’T work for me”… and refuse to open up to the possibility that it WILL … and if you are someone who prefers to dig your heels in and insist that you “can’t,” and you are steadfast in the belief that you can’t change your beliefs… then this might not be the Club for you. 

IF, on the other hand, rather than dig your heels in and hold tight to the belief that you can’t…

√ You are willing to doubt your doubt, recognize that you are a living, breathing, evolving being, and celebrate that embracing this means embracing expanding possibilities and untapped potential…

and

√ You are someone who understands that getting results isn’t about what you know, it’s about what you IMPLEMENT and practice…

Then, 

Prediction #2:

Heck yeah! You are likely to get an enormous amount of value from your membership

You can’t just put a date on the calendar and consider it done. But what you CAN do to speed up your progress is commit to the process of BECOMING the person who would have the life you want. By embodying and intentionally constructing the YOU you will be without all those blind spots hiding in the shadows, and without all those limiting beliefs you currently accept as (or at least act as if they are) true, AND without those obstacles that you keep repeatedly stubbing your toe on, the likelihood of your breakthroughs and your desired results increases exponentially!

Brules are sneaky bastards, and I’m here for you through ALL of it.

In The Brule Breakers Club, we’re going to tell the truth and focus on what is in your control. You are not in control of all the pieces and all the relationships and you can’t “make” other people or systems respond like you wish they would, when you wish they would. 

But – you 100% CAN show up for yourself in ways that are self-trusting, self-affirming, congruent, and powerfully aligned with who you are here to BE. When you do THAT, new paths are found, and you learn who you are and what you’re capable of.

Rather than continue to let brules hold you back, let’s make the unseen visible so that you can shift it. 

Prediction #3:

Making such changes may make you feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but it’s also what supports your desired outcomes, personal empowerment, growth and transformation. It’s what enables you to make – and maintain – positive changes so that you THRIVE!

☝️ This is why I highly recommend taking advantage of the annual membership option. (monthly membership is also available)

Come join us! Be “in the room” for deconstruction of the countless brules that hold you back.

To support The Brule Breakers Club container, culture, mission, objectives and purpose, the brules we explore and deconstruct inside The Brule Breakers Club are exclusively focused on the brules outlined in my book, The Brules of Life: 15 Bullshit Rules to Break for a No-Vacation-Needed Life + the 15 brules I’ll be sharing in my NEXT book, and future books. (That’ll be 60 brules in total! As a member, you will receive not only the Table of Contents for future books as they are outlined, but also pre-release chapters, with discussion and coaching around them.)

All of THIS, when shared within a community of support, is what predictably creates, amplifies and accelerates your results.

With so much love, 

Fortune-teller Tara  🔮

Applied Psychology Coach & author of The Brules of Life

P.S. Have questions? Curious to learn how brule breaking can help YOU? Reach out for a Personalized Brule Breaker Chat, a fun powerful 1:1 connection opportunity. You just have a few days left to join for the remaining bonuses!  

Reasons NOT to join The Brule Breakers Club 

Reasons NOT to join The Brule Breakers Club 

Reasons NOT to join The Brule Breakers Club 

I talk a lot about my work and The Brule Breakers Club and WHY it’s so awesome. 

So let me tell you why you’d be right NOT to join…

I realize it’s rather unconventional to write in depth about NOT joining my program.

So why do it? Because, The Brule Breakers Club is not for everyone. 

If you are debating whether or not you can afford to join (financially or otherwise), here are some considerations that I hope will help you decide:

  1. If you find yourself needing to choose between feeding yourself OR keeping a roof over your head, then joining The Brule Breakers Club may not make sense for you right now.
  2. If you feel desperate for immediate solutions and are in a place in your life where you don’t know what you’ll do if a major life-altering change doesn’t happen for you within the next 30 days, then joining The Brule Breakers Club may not make sense for you right now.

The first one needs no explanation. 

In terms of desperation or urgency around results, there’s going to be a lot of growth, but growth doesn’t happen overnight. Brules have been profoundly assimilated into your worldview and experience over decades of reinforcement and, because of this, they won’t just exit stage left in a hot second.

If neither of the above describe you or your circumstances and you wish to join, then I truly hope you will, EVEN IF making the $100 or so a month investment s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s you a little – be it financial, emotional, or both.

Because let’s be honest, investing in yourself – whether it’s a few dollars, or something with several zeros behind it, not to mention the TIME – can be a symbolic and emotional hurdle as much as it is a financial one. 

It can dredge up questions like…

  • Am I worth it?
  • I mean, do I really get to invest in not just striving, but thriving?
  • Should I really invest in myself now – as in, TODAY??

Ultimately, all of these are variations of the old “Who do you think you ARE?” question.

If you do decide to join us (again, with the understanding that those first two scenarios don’t apply to you), then know that you will be entering a space that is dedicated to supporting your best self, your self-actualization, and expanding possibilities for your life.

The Brule Breakers Club is also a space where “Who do you think you ARE?” is escorted out and replaced with the-same-words-but-a-very-different-question: 

“Who do YOU think you are?”

The emphasis in this question matters.

The first one – “Who do you think you ARE?” – is full of residual head-trash that you picked up somewhere along the way from people who haven’t yet sorted where or whether to discard this garbage, so they gave it to you.

In contrast, the second one – “Who do YOU think you are?” is a process of self-revelatory introspection and discovery, both about your current self-concept and your ever-evolving and expanding Self. 

Say the question aloud to yourself now: “Who do I think I am?” 

Feel that “damn! I am in charge” vibe? 😎

In The Brule Breakers Club, we delight in both the second version of the question and in the version of YOU that this question helps draw out of the shadows and into the light. 

All this to say … I want you to understand that inside The Brule Breakers Club, any and all versions of “I can’t afford it right now” are not supportive, or supported.

Lemme ‘splain.

We hold you as powerful. Period. 

And, to be clear – even if you find yourself in either of the two scenarios I describe at the top – we also hold YOU as powerful. 

Whatever your current circumstances are, while they may reflect what makes practical sense for you to prioritize right now, they do NOT reflect what is POSSIBLE for you. 

You are far more powerful than whatever the snapshot of your current experience of your current moment might be. To pretend that you aren’t would be a disservice, both to you and to the other members. 

Every time you speak, share, or believe that you “can’t afford it,” you radiate disempowered energy and this perpetuates feelings of limitation, scarcity, and not-enough-ness. This isn’t beneficial. Just as spending your last dollar on a life coaching program wouldn’t be beneficial if it means not having enough food to eat.  

If, barring these circumstances, you truly would love to join, then find a way to join!

And, if you don’t truly want to join, that’s ok too.

You can decline without self-limiting statements that reinforce and only root you that much more deeply in the belief that you are powerless or that you don’t have options.

You are not powerless. 

And you have options. 

And those options include what you choose to prioritize.

This very message is just a sampling of the level of thought work and personal transformation that you’ll be supported through in The Brule Breakers Club. And with registration currently set at what adds up to the cost of a cup of coffee a day, it is an absolute bargain.

Click here to join!

Big love, 

Applied Psychology Coach & author of The Brules of Life

PS – The sooner you join the sooner you can get oriented to the Tara’tory. 😜 If you think this might be for you but you’re not sure or have questions, reach out right away for a Personalized Brule Breaker Chat, a fun powerful 1:1 connection opportunity so you can experience and learn more about how brule breaking can help YOU.  

A Brule Breaking love story

A Brule Breaking love story

A Brule Breaking love story

“I like emotionally unavailable men.”

“I like women who are mean to me.”

That about summed it up.

After sharing our respective relationship history synopses … on January 11, 2017, Carl and I decided to try something different: one another.

We’d been friends for more than a year. Between our frequent phone conversations, we met for coffee, drinks, gelato, dance events, dinners, Smithsonian museums, watching ice skaters (fall) in Georgetown, sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial at night, exploring sculpture gardens, and other DC wanderings. One time, we literally met just for a hug.

Then, one night while saying goodbye, unbeknownst to me, he apparently tried to kiss me. As I had many times before, I went in for a big “see you later” hug – utterly oblivious.

The friend zone was real. 😄

Later that week, while chatting by phone, he asked me about it.

Wait, what?!

It took me a minute to process the information and consider whether “my friend Carl” could be more than a friend. After an awkwardly looooong pause, I hesitantly said, “try again?”

Our friendship began with salsa dancing. We’d met at a club we both frequented, a regular spot for the DC salsa scene. Predictably, we were both there again a few days after our telephone call.

At the end of the night, we walked out together and sat in my car with the heat on. This is where our one-sentence relationship history confessions were made. It’s also where he “tried again.”

I tell this story with a good dose of amusement. The level of honesty we shared, each in a single sentence, was funny.

But I now also see it in a more serious light. Frankly, I’m proud of us.

That was a series of brave moves! We chose – both together and individually – to risk not only the friendship we’d solidly established, but also to consciously disrupt familiar relationship patterns.

Rather than rejecting what felt safe, warm, reliable, and kind – reserving it for friendship only – we chose something different. Safer in some ways, but wildly risky in others.

Speaking for myself, I was scared. But willing.

Rather than the enticing pursuit of repeating patterns, we leaned in to already established warmth, tenderness, kindness, and care.

We stepped out of the familiar patterns of frustration and stopped chasing those who didn’t treat us well. We reoriented our compasses away from codependent complexities and questionable commitment levels, to seeing what the assurance of clear communication and genuine care could bring. We decided to build on the foundation of friendship instead of trying to bottle the smoke and excitement of fleeting fireworks. We stopped allowing hot smoke to be more compelling than building our own fire. We chose to recognize that what we’d each been doing in our personal lives wasn’t working, and decided to experiment with a new approach.

That was 7 years ago and we’ve been together ever since.

Psst… This is much more than an anniversary story message. This is a “Tara, what do you mean when you say brule breaking, and why should I care?” message. 

Whether it’s your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, your day-to-day life – whatever it is that you WISH was different – when you break brules, new possibilities come to light.

Brule breaking has two distinct qualifiers: 

  • A conscious pattern interruption
  • The sincere desire to thrive

Brule breaking requires BOTH.

To be clear, brule breaking is NOT synonymous with rebellion. It is NOT about bucking the status quo for the sake of being bold or different. Simply being contrarian isn’t what brule breaking is either.

Brule breaking = a conscious pattern interruption + a sincere desire to thrive

Brule breaking is about doing what it takes to make a change in your “normal” when your normal isn’t helping you thrive. 

It’s about no longer unconsciously impeding your own happiness or perpetuating your own suffering.

Easier said than done.

It can be incredibly difficult to see your own blind spots. 

And it’s even HARDER to break them on your own. 

Breaking brules requires conscious pattern interruptions. Be it stopping or pausing what you’ve always done, reconsidering and reflecting in a new way to gain a new perspective, or outright change: doing new things, in new ways.

Brule breaking requires outside perspectives and inner shifts.

Brule breaking REQUIRES support.

(And, hint hint, for all these reasons: Brule breakers need The Brule Breakers Club.)

Brule breaking is not about risk for the sake of risk, or nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity.

It’s about:

  • elevating awareness around self-limiting beliefs and behaviors that you’re not fully cognizant of
  • challenging them, and
  • learning how to implement change in your life when expanding your self-concept and finding out what you’re really capable of.

I asked Carl, “Do you remember who said ‘I love you’ first?”

His answer: “This morning?”

Lol.

Neither of us remembers who said it first. It was unspoken until it was spoken.

We broke the brules that were in our way by making some brave new pattern-interrupting moves on behalf of a sincere desire to THRIVE.

And love grew. 💕

If you long for a space to challenge and reinvent parts of yourself, to see your blind spots, deconstruct your limits, and create a vision for your life that is all your own…

If you want to break brules, not for the sake of rebellion, but in the spirit of self-expression and self-actualization…

If you want to step into being the next-level you, follow your dreams and enjoy the process of growth and expansion…

If you want to become cognizant of the brules in your life, to see what’s been prescribed by social and familial norms, and shift what doesn’t help you THRIVE…

…. consider this your personal invitation to The Brule Breakers Club. ❤️

With so much love,

Applied Psychology Coach & author of The Brules of Life