How to quit on never quitting

How to quit on never quitting

How to quit on never quitting 

This is as much a love letter to myself as it is to you.

“Never quit” was instilled in me pretty hard. 

And, to its credit, it’s probably why my business survived the 2008 recession and the 2020 pandemic and why, despite the ups and downs, my relationship with my significant other is still intact. 🙂

I am no quitter!

If you are someone who tends to quit easily and you want to increase your resourcefulness and determination, here’s a quote you might want to write on a sticky-note and tape to your bathroom mirror:

“When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven’t.” (attributed to Thomas Edison) 

BUT.

If you’re anything like me, we sometimes need reminders that IT IS OK TO QUIT. In a culture of go-go-go, do-do-do, this may be the most subversive act there is.

But I digress.

My point is: “I am not a quitter” is an ingrained part of my self-concept.

Which is particularly NOT helpful when it comes to bad habits.

I bite my nails. 

It’s something I’ve done since I was 10-years-old. 

I’m 48. And though I’ve had stretches where I stop, a month or so later, this habit (at least so far) has consistently sneaked its way back in. I have yet to eliminate it for good.

And I’ve done allllll the things – from peppery polish that’s designed to deter the habit, to having fancy fake nails glued on. These are temporary fixes. My engrained default pattern is to return to this unconscious childhood behavior.

And that’s typically how it goes. 

While nail biting may seem like an innocuous example, the behavioral psychology expert in me knows that ALL seemingly dysfunctional behaviors (be it nail biting, alcohol abuse, over-committing, over-giving, overeating…) are all an adaptive strategy to create safety and comfort (a.k.a. coping mechanisms).

It can be incredibly powerful to explore one of your own “dysfunctional behaviors” and get real about your answers to, “how does this SERVE me?” 

Bottom line is: Something about it is working for you. Usually it’s that something about it is self-protective. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be doing it. 

Even blatant self-sabotage provides some degree of survival mode protection – protecting you now, even if it hurts Future You later. 

When you come to realize that “dysfunctional behavior” isn’t an enemy working against you but rather an adaptive strategy that – at least on some level – SERVES you, you can then begin to appreciate such protective instincts and lessen any shame you may have about the behavior. 

Shifting the perception of the behavior, from an enemy that sabotages you to a savvy survivor-in-action, diminishes shame.

From there, you can then begin to step OUT from the shame shadows and INTO an empowered new perspective where you get to choose behaviors that serve not only survival, but what I like to refer to as “thrival.”  

If, for example, overeating, or drinking, or people pleasing – or nail biting – is the best and only available source of soothing and comfort for you, then good for you for doing it! BUT, when these cease to be the best and only available way for you to get the comfort you need, you now have options. A new choice can be made.  

I know what it’s going to take for me to stop biting my nails. 

The solution is actually pretty simple: 

Behave in alignment with the fully-actualized version of me, who I lovingly refer to as… “Tara.” lol.  Stay with me here for a moment. 

When I refer to “Tara,” I am talking about my Future Self.  

“Tara doesn’t bite her nails.” – me

“But I do.” – also me

Got it?

Try it! It’s a self-talk trick that helps me make a clear distinction between who I am and who I’m becoming, and this helps me see clearly which decisions best align with who I aspire to be. 

Ultimately, the act of building supportive habits that stick requires not just a shift in behavior, but a shift in your sense of identity. Who you ARE in your relationship to your habits is what establishes them, and what transforms them.  

One way or another, you’ve got to build and strengthen the connection between You Now, and Future You. 

And, sometimes, quitting is course-correcting. 

Sometimes, quitting is self-liberation from decades of thought patterns and behavior patterns that don’t serve the biggest, most self-actualized version of you.

Sometimes, quitting is getting on board with the deep and timeless wisdom of your inner compass, no longer playing games you no longer want to play. 

From nail care, to relationships, to how you create your own success… the same principles apply.

It’s about bridging the divide between what [Your name] does and what you do. 😊 

It’ is normal to wonder if you have what it takes. It is normal to feel discomfort, even embarrassment, about aspects of you that are a work in progress. 

We are in this being-human thing, together. 

Doing new things, or old things in new ways, takes courage. But when we show up together and normalize being human while ALSO growing into the best versions of ourselves … This is where the magic happens. 

I have come to adore being actively in the process of creating that which I know is an even more aligned expression of who I am. And I love doing this alongside others who enjoy – or at least want to enjoy – the process too. 

It’s why I created The Brule Breakers Club.

Because, while it’s scary to do the work that makes all the difference…

And it’s challenging to learn new skills and let go of old habits… 

And it can be hard to take responsibility for mistakes, and even harder to course-correct… 

The right support makes it so much easier, so much more rewarding, and so worth the effort. It’s the one clear way to ensure your results – your joy, your happiness, your dreams, your needs, your desires, your THRIVAL.

I want to hear from you! Tell me, what’s something that Future You does or doesn’t do, that you do now?

With so much love, 

Tara Sage

Applied Psychology Coach & Author of The Brules of Life

P.S. #BruleBreakerSpotlight Contest winner to be announced on December 18. There’s still time to post your nomination! Go HERE for contest details!

I’ve been famous twice this week (+ a fun contest!)

I’ve been famous twice this week (+ a fun contest!)

I used to have a lot of head-trash about being seen, about being “big,” as in … “don’t get too big for your britches” … “you’re too loud/proud/bold” … “Who do you think you ARE?”

I wasn’t sure what “being famous” meant exactly, let alone if I wanted it. But if I did want it … was that BAD? Was I bad? Too showy? Who was I to think I could be famous for my work?

On the day my book came out, and quickly hit bestsellers lists, I cried – big, heaving, happy horse-tears. Having my labor of love, The Brules of Life books, PRINTED and in the hands of people across the country and around the world … was a big effing deal! It marked the culmination of an EXTRAORDINARY amount of work, focus, determination, heart, and grit.

From head-trash to brule breaker…

From largely unknown, to my name on a bestselling book…

And from being able to serve a small number of clients, to having a product that can reach – and teach – through a global marketplace…

It was a milestone indeed!

This week, my definition of “brule” (listed on Urban Dictionary) has more than 1,000 likes, and counting, and is listed first in “brule” definitions.

AND – even more exciting – my article, “Brules Are Made to Be Broken”, has been featured in the Dec/Jan issue of Aspire Magazine.

Every PR mention of “brules” and me, reaching many thousands of people, is cause for celebration. 😊

That said, it can also be kind of strange to have people I don’t know, who know me. Since some of the stories I share in my book are rather personal, they legitimately know quite a bit about me, so it makes sense that they feel that.

Like, last weekend, I attended a funeral with Carl, a celebration of life for the passing of his 105-year-old great-aunt. When we arrived, I was greeted by one of his cousins who I was meeting for the first time. She hugged me and told me she has my book.

It’s interesting to have my book precede me.

A few months ago, a friend and I went to see a band. While we were there, my friend ran into someone she knew. They were chatting away when the woman she was speaking to stopped, looked at me, and said, “Are you Tara Sage?” She knew my work.

It’s fun to learn that my work is reaching people that I don’t know or haven’t met.

Something you may not know about me is that I am child-free by choice. The older I get, this fact only further reinforces the depth with which my books and the ripple-effect of my work is, in large part, my legacy.

My books are a true extension of my heart. They are roaming the world, meeting people I’ve never met, and creating their own ripple-effect in the world-at-large. I’m proud of them. And I have more books to write. And MANY more people I aspire to serve with this work.

I want to leave this world feeling EMPTIED, having poured myself into what will outlive me.

My writing, my coaching, my message, my methods, my brule breaking no-BS teachings and how-tos are what really make this work come alive, in your LIFE.

I no longer shy away from the fact that, yes, I am KNOWN (which is essentially what I think “famous” means). And I want it for one simple reason: because this is HOW I am able to serve and teach and touch the lives of more people.

My books, my coaching, my thought leadership … These are the vehicles for how I empower and impact the lives of others and successfully realize the legacy of what I want to leave behind. (At 48-years-young, I’m just getting started!)

A FUN CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT!

I want to make YOU (or someone you know) “famous” too!

I want to share and broaden the brule breaker spotlight. 😊 #BruleBreakerSpotlight

Who do you know that deserves a #brulebreaker nomination?

Who do you know who is a Brule Breaker? Consider, who do you know that does it their way, who questions the “this is just the way it is” or “this is just how I am” brules that they were given and creates their dream life, success, and more?

To nominate a brule breaker…  (and, YES, in true #brulebreaker fashion, you can totally nominate yourself, and YES, you can totally nominate more than one person!) – create a social media post with the hashtag #BruleBreakerSpotlight

In your post, tell me a bit about what makes them (or you) a trail-blazing brule-breaking march-to-the-beat-of-their-own-drummer standout! Make sure your post is set to PUBLIC (commenting under a post doesn’t count as a nomination, and posts that only your friends can see won’t qualify). Post it with the hashtag #BruleBreakerSpotlight so that I can find it.

On December 18th, I will select and announce one (maybe two) #BruleBreakerSpotlight winners!

Want to break the “don’t get too big for your britches” brule, and have your extraordinary BS-busting #brulebreaker self shared over the Interwebs for all to see and celebrate? Want a #BruleBreakerSpotlight profile on my blog and in my newsletter with links for where people can connect with you for more of your greatness? The #BruleBreakerSpotlight winner will ALSO receive a surprise “brules merch” gift-in-the-mail, and coupon good for 20% savings on one Brule Breakers Club annual membership for you or someone you know.

Every brule broken deserves to be celebrated. And we all want to celebrate and see YOU, Brule Breaker!

Get ready to be #BruleBreakerSpotlight famous:

  • Post a picture of The Brules of Life – it could be a picture you take, or you can reshare the “Nominate a Brule Breaker!” #bookpic that I am sharing with you here. (Bonus points if you add a video featuring your copy of The Brules of Life.)
  • Set your post to PUBLIC.
  • Tag me @tarasagecoaching along with the hashtag #BruleBreakerSpotlight with your nomination or story as to why you, or someone you know, is a #brulebreaker. Extra points for creativity, humor, boldness, and stories that warm the heart.

Here’s to unapologetically big britches,

Why your complaints and frustrations matter

Why your complaints and frustrations matter

In my book, The Brules of Life, I share that prior to starting my business, I was:
– in a 9-5 job
– drowning in student loan debt
– living in a basement apartment with my cat
At that time in my life, I had no shortage of complaints about these circumstances. And yet, each one of them informed and inspired me to move in the direction of what I wanted.

This is available for you too .

Your complaints and frustrations are a nudge from your inner wisdom about what’s not fully aligned for you. 

This is GOLD!

Discontent is fuel for transformation. Sometimes tolerating too many “nos” in your life clutters up your mental bandwidth, making it difficult to be able to envision what you want with any degree of clarity or focus.

So, the good news:

When you hear those complaints and frustrations as a “no, this isn’t fully aligned for me” nudge … and you let that ‘NO’ go, you’ll have SPACE and will be that much more able to tune in and acknowledge the juicy awareness of the dreams and desires that are letting you know they are there.

“Nos” can serve as a powerful detour and avenue to an incredible amount of “yes”-filled clarity.

Your deepest dreams and desires await.

In my 6-week No-Vacation-Needed Blueprint training, I help you amp up this clarity, deepen your awareness, and activate your confidence and commitment to create what you want and live into YOUR “Zone of Yes” life.

Learn more and claim your seat today – just $197.

Tara Sage

PS – Know you’re ready for this year to look different than last? Want to really take that fuel of discontent and transform your life into something that’s fully aligned for YOU? There are a few spots left for my free Top Shelf Assessment. Here’s how to claim it.
Think you know me?

Think you know me?

I’ve grown, and though you may think you know what I’m going to say, allow me to (re)introduce myself.

First, the basics:

I’m a life coach, digital nomad, bestselling author, professional speaker, made-up word lover, amateur salsa dancer, and blanket hog who often wonders out loud if I should call myself a Self-Actualization Coach because my true north and the driving force behind all my work is the belief that dream acceleration is REALLY about self-actualization.

Here’s a bit of my story and why I’ve been musing on such things:

On a good day, I felt restless. On a bad day, I felt like a caged animal.

Exasperated, I came home from work to my dark, musty, basement apartment – a glaring reminder that I was not just figuratively, but literally, underground. Drowning in student loan debt, I rarely answered my phone because collection agencies were calling me daily. Trying to find my way in the world wasn’t easy. All the emotional and practical baggage of difficult family dynamics and estrangement seemed to all be hitting me at once. Much of it not my fault, I felt like a victim of circumstances who was dealt an unfortunate hand. I felt profoundly alone in my struggles.

The job I begrudgingly got at an Ivy League university to establish some stability, looked good on paper, but my soul was dying, a little more every day. If I had to sit through one more hour-long meeting that could have been communicated by an email, I was going to lose it! Things were done in inefficient ways for no reason other than it’s the way they’d always done it. This felt archaic to me, but rethinking conventions wasn’t welcomed or encouraged. Waiting for that clock on the wall to say 5:00 felt like an insult to my personal integrity and pride, not to mention that I had finished my work hours earlier. The starched button down shirt I wore, because I thought I should, felt like a straight-jacket, a costume that belonged to someone else – but not me.

I knew I couldn’t stay.

While going through the motions on all the things I thought I was supposed to do, I was losing myself. On autopilot, I’d drive to work, or the grocery store, or the gym (when I could get myself to go) feeling more and more disconnected from who I was. I wasn’t challenged. I wasn’t inspired. I felt contained, micro-managed, and caught in status quo games that I didn’t want to play. I felt like I was drowning, and I knew no one was coming to save me.

Underneath my restlessness and frustration, was a growing sense that I was meant for MORE, that this couldn’t possibly be all I was meant to do, be, or have.

I knew I needed to take the reins and reshape my life, to reshape my reality, to figure out how to not live in a basement forever, to create a life that was my own, that reflected the truth of who I was.

It was from that dark musty basement apartment, that I gazed out that teeny-tiny window with a view of the sidewalk and the tires of cars passing by … and I’d dream.

I dreamed of having the freedom to travel when and where I please. I dreamed of having my own location-independent company so that I could work from anywhere. I dreamed of a home with lots of natural light. I dreamed of becoming a bestselling author. I dreamed of wealth on my own terms. I dreamed of finding love. I dreamed of having time and energy for creativity and play. I dreamed of making a positive impact, serving others in meaningful ways that made their life better. I dreamed of being myself without boundaries.

The voice of my soul and seeds of my own self-actualization were surfacing

Naming my dreams felt so powerful. I acknowledged the dreams in my heart and imagined what my life could be – despite having absolutely no idea how to make ANY of it happen at the time.

People said my dreams were impossible, that I should “settle down,” stay at my job, just be more grateful. They were wrong.

Not only have I achieved my “impossible” dreams and the freedom I so craved, I’ve built a business around helping YOU chart your own course, live your dreams, and create the life you think you cannot have. I have coached thousands to go beyond striving, wishing, and “someday-ing,” to experience the true freedom life has to offer. Rethinking conventions and challenging status quo “have tos,” while helping people rediscover themselves and realize what’s possible, has made for a profoundly fulfilling, decades-long career. Looking to the horizon, I am expanding my impact daily, determined to reach millions of people with my writing, coaching, and speaking.

Your dreams, like mine, are fuel on your path to self-actualization.

Regardless of the specifics of what your dreams are, I stand for them as by-products and bonus results of your becoming. Who you become in the process is the real win, and how you grow and stretch into being the person who would have them is the real work. (It’s also where the biggest rewards are found.)

I help you create the life you think you cannot have while becoming the person you are meant to be.

What is the life YOU think you cannot have ? Who do you need to become in order to create it?

Love,

PS – If you are ready for self-actualization with a side of dream realization, I am opening up 5 spots for my FREE Top Shelf Session with Tara Assessment, a 1:1 conversation where you will gain clarity on your dreams and how they reflect and empower the person you are becoming, insight into what’s been holding you back, and a renewed sense of hope about how to courageously break free of obstacles to achieve what you want with a customized strategic plan for your desired future.