The #1 thing you need to know about brule breaking
If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve likely heard me talk a lot about brules and your dreams. Brule breaking can undoubtably bring immediate short-term gains, but what’s even more notable is the long-term staying power and value created as a domino-effect ON TOP OF those short-term gains.
In my book, The Brules of Life, I share an experience I had of being suddenly unleashed from bonds that I hadn’t been fully cognizant of before, and how, without warning, I was liberated of expectations and preconceptions I previously had no idea had been constraining me.
In a single instant, my heart was filled with profound next-level freedom and uninhibited permission to spread my wings and be “me” on a completely new level. Relieved of such constraints, it was exciting to find out who that newly liberated “me” was.
Those who’ve read The Brules of Life have shared that it has opened their eyes to recognizing their own hidden bonds, and helped them realize where they’d been existing within assumed limitations that they now know need not inhibit them any longer!
It is truly astounding how quickly ONE new awareness can expand into next-level freedom and forever change what’s possible for you.
Like compound interest, compounding RESULTS gain over time.
For example, eating better. When you get into some new healthier habits, this can create a powerful domino effect in your life. For example, when you eat better your mind is clearer, you have more energy. As a result, you perform better. Maybe your boss notices and gives you a raise. Or your business grows and new clients can’t wait to work with you. Or your relationships improve because you are more present and positive in your interactions. Maybe you finally embark on that creative project you’d set aside for “someday” … and not only are you healthier, you’re happier.
Here’s another example:
Let’s say that after years of debating a move from your hometown, you feel compelled and eager to escape. Maybe you feel a lot of pressure from others to stay, but you know that you feel confined and constrained, like it’s sucking life out of you, stunting your growth. So, you decide to take action, finally breaking the “Root Where You Are Planted” brule (chapter 12 in The Brules of Life). Maybe you move to a thriving city where new opportunities are everywhere. Or, perhaps you take off and travel the world and along the way, you meet your dream partner, and you find your dream job, where you make wonderful new friends. You pursue your passions and hobbies, your mental and physical health improves, you look better, you feel better, you stand taller, and before you know it, you have elevated the quality of your entire life!
All THIS sparked by doing what it took to break ONE brule or build ONE habit!
See what I mean?
You could seriously be one shift/one decision/one brule-busting breakthrough away from everything you want.
In The Brule Breakers Club we challenge assumptions, break unhelpful habits, rethink false logic, untwine conflated ideas, and celebrate breakthroughs … shining a great big light on a multitude of dream-inhibiting, self-care-stunting brules so that you THRIVE.
With more Brules books planned in my Book of Brules series, I have outlined a total of SIXTY brules to be deconstructed.
And while reading my book is amazing, being in a space where we can actually BREAK the brules (rather than you doing a solo attempt at it) is POWERFUL. In The Brule Breakers Club we go far beyond the pages. I help you make this material real in your LIFE. So, join today!
Profoundly integrating even just ONE can have infinite domino effects on the whole of your life. ONE skill. ONE change in perspective. Lifelong impact!
Consider what this could mean for YOU.
Imagine the compounding impact this can have on the future YOU are creating, and ask yourself: Would investing 100 or so dollars a month in yourself be a worthwhile investment? What about $3 a day? Brule Breakers Club membership cost is equivalent to a cup of coffee a day. When breaking even just ONE BRULE could have tremendous positive effects on absolutely every area of your life, is that worth more than a cup of coffee?
Hell yes, it is.
The Brule Breakers Club is the difference between consistently showing up for what you want, and endlessly ruminating about what you want.
It’s the difference between receiving what you want, and never getting it out of your head and into your LIFE.
As a member, the support you’ll receive is the difference between finally seeing your blind spots, and continuing to struggle to make a change. It’s the difference between having breakthroughs you celebrate, or having fear and resistance run the show. It’s the difference between achieving your dreams, and always wondering what could have been. And it’s the difference between the cumulative impacts of self-neglect, and the compounding benefits of self-care. It’s the difference between momentum and celebration, and stagnation and frustration.
In The Brule Breakers Club, you will awaken to a new kind of freedom.
Ready to step into expanding possibilities, experience the value of compounding results, and create a new kind of freedom?
Join The Brule Breakers Club today! I can’t wait to welcome YOU!
P.S – My goal is for The Brule Breakers Club to be the last life coaching program you ever need: a powerful, transformative, collaborative experience like no other. Let’s do this thing. Have questions? Think it might be for you, but want to be sure? Reach out to me for a Personalized Brule Breaker Chat, a fun powerful 1:1 connection opportunity if you are curious to learn how brule breaking can help you.
The Brule Breakers Spotlight
I’ve heard some really cool stories this week and I want to share a couple of them with you.
After I put out a call asking for stories about a time when you broke a “brule,” where you didn’t settle for status quo, or do what others expected, or where you blazed your own trail, colored outside the lines, challenged conventions… several people responded.
I want to highlight a few, because what these stories demonstrate so well are some of the primary categories and areas of influence that “brules” tend to find their way into.
From self-care to systemic, and from business to culture.
Brules are insidious and they find their way into so many areas of our lives.
Here’s a quick example of each:
I received this story from a dancer: When she was pregnant, she was dancing with the community college ballet company. Others told her to stop dancing, even suggesting that a previous miscarriage she’d had was caused by her dancing, that she’d have to stop dancing after the baby was born anyway because being a mom would take up all her time, so she might as well stop now. She said no. She said, “I am bringing him into my world, not him bringing me into his.” And that’s exactly what she did. She danced until the end of the first week of her ninth month, and brought her son with her everywhere, including the dance studio. Now, decades later, she is still dancing.
Breaking self-care brules takes a strong sense of self and an unwillingness to abandon your own clarity, even when others don’t condone it.
I heard from a woman who shared stories of struggle, battling against systemic brules and the patriarchy. Everything from fighting injustice caused by a big corporate company, to navigating the court system to get child support. She also shared experiences she’s had when bucking social norms about what a woman should and shouldn’t do or be.
Breaking systemic brules is not easy. A ton of endurance and perseverance is required – even for small wins.
Another story I received was from a business owner who shared having made a pivotal decision to change the entire structure of her business, despite the business’ success. She was making good money. It was steady and predictable and paid her bills, but she was frustrated by the work, daily. She’d achieved “success” on paper, but at what cost? It was weighing heavy on her and she made the brave and hard decision to let those clients go and restructure how she worked and who she worked with. She broke the often unspoken “brule” that when you build something, you have to stick with it. That if you build a sound business, you should continue it. That it is not only not financially wise, but utterly irresponsible to make sweeping changes or to quit on what’s working. But, that’s exactly what she did. She created a totally new business, blazing a brand new trail to do the work she loves and continues to do to this day.
Entrepreneurship is the epitome of brule breaking because there’s no map when you’re blazing your own trail. It takes enormous commitment, a deep belief in your vision, and a strong sense of service to create success that is not only financially viable and sustaining, but also fulfilling. (Ask me how I know.)
Here, I’m going to get on my soap box for a moment and share an example of my own. As an author, this is an issue that hits home for me. I personally think the book bans that are happening in our world are a modern-day form of prohibition. (prohibooktion? 😜) And, like prohibition, it won’t work. To help join the cause to ensure this, I stand in solidarity with writers and readers everywhere. As an expression of this commitment, for every new member who joins The Brule Breakers Club, I’ve decided that my company will donate 3% of every registration to PEN America, a non-profit working to ensure that people everywhere have the freedom to create literature, convey information and ideas, express their view, and access the views, ideas, and literatures of others. I am proud to support the PEN America mission while also supporting my beloved clients to thrive, break the brules, and realize your grandest visions for your next chapter.
Movements are born through subversive acts of breaking cultural brules. In this realm, there is power in numbers.
In closing, brule breaking is about doing the things that you really want, and stepping up to the plate to claim and create what is yours, standing up for the things you believe in, without playing into the limits of society, or what someone else says you “should” do.
It’s about trusting the inner knowing that there’s something more for you, and then finding a way to make that happen.
It has been so inspiring hearing these stories all week.
Now, as we head into the holidaze, er, I mean, the holidays… from my heart to yours, I hope yours is full of love and joy and light.
I hope you savor and enjoy all the wonderful traditions that feel great to you and that you do not hesitate to make new traditions where old ones don’t fit the bill anymore. (Holiday brules can be just as sneaky as the rest!)
If you are someone who is ready to break some brules, see your blind spots, and create the life you dream of, and you know you’re ready for something more, and you don’t want to feel limited and you don’t want to feel obligated… then stay tuned and be on the lookout for invitations from me in your inbox in the coming weeks.
I am so excited about all I’ll be sharing about The Brule Breakers Club and how you can join me in the new year.
With so much love,
There was a time in my life – before my business, before my book, before my speaking career – when I was in a job that I hated, drowning in student loan debt, and living in a basement apartment with my cat. I felt utterly trapped, and I absolutely WISHED things were different but I was struggling to see my way out.
While desperately wanting something different, it felt like salt on my wounds when others (smart, caring, well-meaning people) thought my circumstances were NORMAL.
It’s considered surprisingly normal to have student loan debt that’ll take decades to pay off. It is considered entirely normal to work at a job you tolerate, to live for weekends and dread Mondays. It’s considered normal to be tired, frazzled, and feel like there’s never enough hours in the day.
And, sadly, it’s considered normal for the dreams you have for your life to gather dust.
It’s normal, sometimes, for us to be doing all the “right” things – to be suffering and dreaming while we’re there – and, through all of that, have people telling us “this is just the way it is.” Pursuing a story-worthy life without regrets is not only generally considered odd, but ridiculous and irresponsible.
While I didn’t know what to call it at the time, I eventually grew to understand that all of this is the result of a society steeped in “brules” (a.k.a. BS rules).
I discovered how “brules” were fueling unhelpful narratives, narratives that often keep people from believing in and pursuing their dreams and goals.
“Working in a strong career track is responsible, so you should stay no matter how much you hate it.”
“It’s better to be safe than risk it all and be sorry.”
“Given your student loan debt, embrace basement dwelling because it’s affordable.”
I discovered how these so-called “facts of life” and “this is the way it is” beliefs were bullshit limits. I discovered how brules – social constructs and commonly held beliefs that are so baked-in to our cultural understanding and worldview that they generally go unnoticed and unquestioned – were ruling not only my life, but the lives of ALL of us.
Yes, I was doing the “responsible thing.” But I felt trapped and miserable.
It was keeping me away from my dreams.
So, I set out to learn how to break them.
And it changed everything.
From there, I redesigned my whole life, blazed the trail of my own business, and even wrote books on the topic.
And now, I’ve created The Brule Breakers Club so that YOU can break brules and live differently too. The Brule Breakers Club is a space that supports and encourages you to realize that change is possible, that what you WANT is possible.
That ALL that you want is possible.
Your dream life, and dream career. Your dream finances, dream relationships and dream living situation. And your dream travels…
Whatever your dreams are, they are POSSIBLE, if you break the “brules” that tell you you can’t.
I invite you to take the leap and become a Brule Breaker.
A brule breaker is a person who doesn’t settle for status quo “it’s just the way it is” existence.
Rather than default to “norms,” they question convention, they challenge unhelpful narratives that keep most people in a box. They go beyond where most stop, where most people are kept from pursuing their dreams and goals. They break the brules.
Brule breaking isn’t easy.
Since brules are so baked-in to our cultural understanding and worldview, they generally go unnoticed and unquestioned.
Brule breakers do the work of deconstructing brules. They identify default patterns and they challenge psychological and behavioral blind spots so that they can live their best life without false limitations.
This is best done in a supportive space that encourages you to realize that change IS possible, that what you WANT is possible.
That’s why I created The Brule Breakers Club. Brule breakers are dreamers and doers, trail blazers that help one another make the changes needed to live their dreams and become self-actualized. Brule breaking changes everything. Breaking the brules of life is what helps you create a new kind of freedom.
>>> Visit bookofbrules.com for details & join now!
Brule is not just a sassy word to know, it’s also a word to understand!
On September 23rd, I’ll be sharing something I’ve never before shared publicly: a personal story about navigating a huge blind spot. Other than the exception of a few close friends, I never imagined I’d be telling this story. After some debate, I’ve decided to do it for one reason: it is the best way I know to demonstrate a teaching that has the power to change lives.
So share, I will. And – you’re invited to be in the room when I do.
Inspired by my book, The Brules of Life, I am hosting The Brule Breakers Brunch – a special in-person gathering for people who want to break the “brules” that hold them back from the life they desire.
In case you’re not familiar with the term, “brule” is sassy slang, for bullsh*t rules. 😜 BUT – it’s so much more than a sassy word!
Brules are psychological and behavioral blind spots that impede and prevent people from thriving. And they’re sneaky. They tend to hide in plain sight! (read: We ALL have them!)
Like, for example, “Be independent” is a brule. Independence is a lie. A delusion. A myth. An impossible goal given that the truth of our interdependence is inherent and unavoidable, with evidence of this fact everywhere! (See chapter 7 in The Brules of Life for more on this critical brule to break, especially if you’re someone who feels stubborn pride – as I did before I busted through this brule – about your so-called “independence.”)
The brules that tend to hold us back the most are the ones that SEEM true and therefore go unquestioned and remain a blind spot in your unconscious, impeding you from thriving.
Blind spots happen when “brules” become embodied beliefs.
Understanding the significance of what this word really means and really represents for YOU is critically important to everything you desire in life … because seeing a blind spot and breaking even ONE brule can change the trajectory of your entire life.
It did mine!
Brule is a sassy word to know AND understand!
What if … you are just one shift, one decision, one brule-busting breakthrough away from everything you want?
I will be presenting at a special first-of-its-kind event in Exeter, New Hampshire (1 hour from Boston, 2 hours from Providence, 30 minutes from Portsmouth Airport).
JOIN ME for this special in-person event!
In addition to good food, new friends, raffle prizes and presents, you will learn:
- the applied psychology of brule-breaking
- how to go beyond seeming “limits” to create the life you think you cannot have
- how to powerfully deconstruct any brule
- the top 3 brules to break and how breaking them can open the door to a new kind of freedom.
This is an intimate event – space is very limited.
If you can be there, great! Save your seat here. I can’t wait to see you!
If you can’t be there on September 23 but still want to learn more about brules … I’ve got something for you too: Grab my FREE Book of Brules bonus chapter,The Only Skill You Ever Need. Learn the skill that makes all the difference, especially if dreaming feels carefree in ways that you do not.
Every time I sit down to write to you, my goal is (1) to provide thoughtful ways for you to feel more free and get to know yourself better, (2) to inspire you to trust your dreams more than your fears/more than you did yesterday and (3) offer some ideas for how to develop the personal habits and actions that make those dreams REAL.
In this bonus chapter, I believe I have done all three.
To success on your own terms,
On a good day, I felt restless. On a bad day, I felt like a caged animal.
Exasperated, I came home from work to my dark, musty, basement apartment – a glaring reminder that I was not just figuratively, but literally, underground. Drowning in student loan debt, I rarely answered my phone because collection agencies were calling me daily. Trying to find my way in the world wasn’t easy. Emotional and practical baggage of difficult family dynamics and estrangement seemed to be hitting me all at once. I felt like a victim of circumstances, dealt an unfortunate hand, profoundly alone in my struggles.
The job I begrudgingly got at an Ivy League university to establish some stability, looked good on paper, but my soul was dying, a little more every day. If I had to sit through one more hour-long meeting that could have been communicated by an email, I was going to lose it. Things were done in inefficient ways for no reason other than it’s the way they’d always done it. This felt archaic to me, but rethinking conventions wasn’t welcomed or encouraged. Waiting for that clock on the wall to read 5:00 felt like an insult to my personal integrity and pride, not to mention that I’d finished my work hours earlier. And the starched button down shirt I wore, because I thought I should, felt like a straight-jacket, a costume that belonged to someone else – but not me.
I knew I couldn’t stay.
While going through the motions on all the things I thought I was supposed to do, I was losing myself. On autopilot, I’d drive to work, or the grocery store, or the gym (when I could get myself to go) feeling more and more disconnected from who I was. I wasn’t challenged. I wasn’t inspired. I felt contained, micro-managed, and caught in status quo games that I didn’t want to play.
I felt like I was drowning, and I knew no one was coming to save me.
Underneath my restlessness and frustration, was a growing sense that I was meant for MORE, that this couldn’t possibly be all I was meant to do, be, or have.
I knew I needed to take the reins and reshape my life, to reshape my reality, to figure out how to not live in a basement apartment forever, to create a life that was my own, that reflected the truth of who I was.
It was from that dark musty basement apartment, that I gazed out that teeny-tiny window with a view of the sidewalk and the tires of cars passing by … and I’d dream.
I dreamed of:
√ having the freedom to travel when and where I please
√ having my own location-independent company so that I could work from anywhere
√ a home with lots of natural light
√ becoming a bestselling author
√ wealth on my own terms
√ finding love
√ having time and energy for creativity and play
√ making a positive impact, serving others in meaningful ways that made their life better
√ being myself without boundaries.
The voice of my soul, and seeds of my own self-actualization, were surfacing.
There was a huge difference between the caged, soul-crushing, autopilot life I felt constrained and uninspired by, and my dreams. The problem was I couldn’t figure out how and where to find a bridge between the two.
A few things were missing, and when I finally figured those out, everything changed. Quickly.
What was missing was…
- Belief that dreams my were possible – for not just other people, but for me
- A way to see and transform my blind spots and expand my thinking
I needed to step up for myself, rather than waiting around for things to change, or others to approve. I needed to go from complaining about what my life currently was to becoming the person that COULD and WOULD move out of it.
What I needed to learn was…
- How to manage my energy
- What to do with fear
- How to navigate naysayers
I needed the skills and support to take the REINS on my life, to listen to my heart, and really take ownership of the life I dreamed and envisioned for myself. To stop fear from running the show, I needed to get out of my head and shift my focus from all the seeming limits of my current circumstance to finding strategies and ways forward that I couldn’t yet see but chose to believe were there to be found.
What I needed to do was…
- Get the right support
- Take brave consistent action
- Show up fully for what I was saying I wanted
I needed support from someone who’d been there. And perspective OUTSIDE what I’d already tried, a shift out of what had created the life I had, and into creating the totally different life I wanted.
So, I got support. And I changed my thinking. And I became a different version of me.
Spoiler alert: It worked.
Not only have I achieved my “impossible” dreams and the freedom I so craved, I have built a business and a profoundly fulfilling, decades-long, career around helping others rethink conventions, chart their own course, live their dreams, rediscover themselves, and realize what’s possible.
I help you create the life you think you cannot have.
Your dreams, like mine, are fuel on your path to self-actualization.
The first step along the way to THAT life? Want the key to reclaiming what’s missing, to create everything you want for yourself, to finally make that change? >>> The Only Skill You Ever Need
P.S. Going after your dream life, finally living it, moving from your life now to the life you want to have – all of this can feel completely overwhelming! How do you know what you want? How do you GET what you want? Where do you start? How do you face all the uncertainty and that huge climb from where you are now to the life of your dreams?
There’s one skill that unlocks all the rest.
And my totally free and totally updated Only Skill You Ever Need guide and bonus chapter goes through exactly that.
Ready for that dream life of yours?