The unexpected results of an in-person event
After hosting Brule Breakers Brunch last Saturday, I slept 10 hours that night.
Today I’m sharing some raw, unfiltered, somewhat still in-process reflections on my first-of-its-kind event in New Hampshire.
It was fabulous.
I got to give a speech I’d been working on for a while, “testing” it on a real audience during which there were nodding heads, smiles, yeses, and even some tears. Conversations followed over lunch: sharing dreams, lessons learned, wisdom gained, discussions about self-trust, self-inquiry, and ah-has about why we do what we do.
Everyone who came traveled from out-of-state – including me. People made the trip from Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Maine in order to attend, in New Hampshire.
You might be wondering, “Why then was the event in New Hampshire, Tara?”
The event took place in New Hampshire because, back in May, a woman who lives there reached out to me, more than once, to share how much she loves my book, that she recommends it to people all the time, and that if I were to head her way she’d “definitely come by!”
“I hope to meet you one day!” she wrote. “Your story inspires.” “If you do a workshop up this way, I will invite the tribe up here.” She went on to say, she’s “happy to play host.”
I ran a few workshop ideas by her, offering to customize a program specific to “her tribe” – one of which was my idea for Brule Breakers Brunch.
Her: “Omg, I LOVE the idea. I’m super excited about this.”
So, we picked a date, hashed out a plan, and, after exploring a few possible venues, I put a deposit down on a space for the event. She said drumming up a group of 20 people, to include her and her daughter, “feels easy.” She listed several groups and organizations: business membership clubs, professional organizations, co-working community, faculty groups, parent groups, her friend circle… all places we can promote the event.
She said to let her know if I need anything. Even offered the option of crashing in her guest room. She said a sold out event is “on her manifesting list” and that she “could see it already.”
It all sounded perfect. An entrepreneur/author’s dream, honestly. I mean, what’s better than an enthusiastic fan of your work reaching out, excited and eager to promote and bring people together for your cameo in their town?
Flattered, honored, and excited about the opportunity, I made plans accordingly to be in Exeter, New Hampshire – a trip I wouldn’t otherwise be making. Promptly, I began to get the word out about the event to the people in my network.
A few weeks passed and I didn’t hear from her. That is, until she wrote to tell me she can’t help much and that she’s “not getting paid for this event and does not have a financial interest.”
Eager to get event info to the groups and organizations she’d mentioned so that they could invite their members to join us, I asked about this multiple times, but my request went unacknowledged.
Two and a half more weeks of silence followed, until, two weeks prior to the event, she wrote to say that she was “striking out” with people in her circles and that she hopes I’m getting some registrations.
With the event now eleven days away, I reminded her that there’s still time to make outreach efforts and get the word out to people in her community.
“I hope you have a great event and enjoy the visit” she quickly replied, and wished me “best of luck.”
She didn’t even attend.
Now, to be clear, I am not at all sorry I went. I decided early on that even if only one person registered, I was going to give that person an amazing experience. While the final count resulted in a smaller group of attendees than I’d originally hoped (all of whom were people from my network willing to make the trip to New Hampshire), it was nonetheless a great event and everyone there thanked me and let me know how much they enjoyed it and that they got a lot out of it.
AND – none of this negates the fact that I find few things more infuriating than dismissive disrespect of my time and blatant disregard for one’s own sense of integrity and accountability, especially when there’s unapologetic regard for the ways in which this impacts other people.
It could, perhaps, be argued that the lesson learned here is to always have a binding contract agreement in place when working collaboratively with other people. While valid, and contracts absolutely have their place, I don’t think they necessarily deter or prevent such things from happening.
I think what contracts do best is, by putting everything in writing, they help prevent misunderstandings later. But what they don’t do is prevent disrespect. Respect isn’t something that happens because of a contract, it happens because of an ethic.
I love collaborating with people, and will do it again without hesitation.
My work in the world is growing, every day, an extension of my heart and mind.
I am creating spaces for people to question assumptions, see new possibilities, break free of unhelpful habits, and become the biggest boldest freest version of themselves.
Be it by reading my books, attending in-person events, or through my online programs, I want everyone who experiences my work to feel empowered to show up, explore, learn about themselves and discover new aspects of what their dreams and desires reveal about them and what’s possible.
This includes those I collaborate with, in any capacity.
Of course things don’t always unfold perfectly or always happen the way we envisioned them in our head. When things aren’t going the way you hoped or planned, what matters to me is that you still show up.
Especially in moments when you don’t think you’re good enough, doing enough, or that you’re failing to meet expectations, we all need reminders that we don’t need to do it perfectly.
Whether as a colleague or a client, in the work we do together, I don’t need you to do it perfectly, I just need you to show up, to be in the (literal or figurative) room.
You don’t need to have everything figured out all the time, but I do need you to be open, in communication, self-responsible, and trying.
As I look ahead to future opportunities, my commitment to this work has only strengthened.
If you want to see me in your town, I would be honored by an invitation. I encourage you to reach out so that I can customize something for YOUR “tribe” and bring a fabulous, fun, transformative, brule-breaking presentation, workshop, or retreat to your area.
With so much love,
PS – Contact me and let me know where you live and how many people you think would attend if I were to visit your town. Perhaps you’re part of an organization that has guest speakers, or you’re part of a book club that would love a visit from an author, or you’re a member of a co-working community that’s eager to host a brule-breaking networking night, or maybe you’re someone who is happy to host and loves bringing people together for special events. Either way, reach out and let’s explore the possibilities together to create something wonderful!
One key part of my mission is to turn complex behavioral and psychological concepts into suuuuuper accessible, user-friendly, easy-to-apply strategies that help you experience more joy and wellbeing in your life.
Because I love you and want you to thrive.
Because you don’t need to have studied this stuff for years or have degrees in behavioral psychology to learn from someone who does … that is, so long as that person (me) keeps it REAL and breaks things into simple, relatable, straight-talking micro-steps that make your life better.
So. That’s what I’m committed to.
With this said, can we talk about breakfast for a minute?
What I love about breakfast, besides the eating part, is that it’s a habit we ALL have.
Regardless of WHAT you eat. (This is not a message about your diet.)
Regardless of WHEN you eat. (Perhaps you fast until 2pm, or eat early. Do you.)
Unless you’re in the midst of a daylong fast … somewhere in the course of your day, I’m going to assume you, quite literally, break-fast.
From an applied psychology perspective, this is great news for two reasons:
- Because eating breakfast has built-in rewards … namely, that hunger gets satisfied, but also the pleasure of happy taste buds. (a.k.a. positive reinforcement)
- Because eating your first meal of the day is part of your routine. (a.k.a. conditioned behavior pattern, an established habit)
Here’s how this simple, daily, built-in habit provides you with a fabulous opportunity:👇
The behavioral and brain science is clear. Changing habits is most effective when you add a new habit (as opposed to trying to stop an old habit).
Let’s say, for example, that you aspire to:
- read more books, or
- build more physical strength, or
- learn a new language, or
- prepare more healthy meals, or
- start a meditation practice, or
- (fill in the blank with something that’s true for you)…
Since breakfast is an already established habit, it presents a PERFECT opportunity for you to add, in an effort to build on and establish more helpful habits into your routine.
For example, you might add …
- 30 minutes of reading, or
- 50 squats, or
- a Duolingo lesson, or
- making a big salad so it’s ready to eat for lunch, or
- 10 minutes of meditation, or
- whatever new habit will best support your goals
… all BEFORE you get rewarded by having breakfast.
To be clear, I recommend picking ONE thing you’ll add to your routine. ONE thing you decide you’re going to be sure to do BEFORE you eat breakfast. I also recommend doing it for at least 7 days, consistently, before considering adding any other new habits to the mix.
So, what supportive new habit will YOU add to your pre-breakfast routine? I’d love to hear!
Small changes add up. And small steps – if they’re the right steps – can be absolutely transformative: they build your confidence, they break old patterns, they free up energy, and they make you that much more ready and able to take on the bigger stuff.
Want to learn more ways to disrupt old patterns, build positive new habits, establish expansive new levels of empowerment, and experience a new kind of freedom in your life?
JOIN ME for my upcoming in-person special event where we’ll not only break bread, we’ll break brules! 😉 Click here to learn more and claim your seat at the table!
I interrupt this broadcast …
Many of the things we do are automatic. They’re instilled and engrained in us by what we’ve been taught and socially conditioned to do – or not do.
So much so, that autopilot kicks in. RARELY do we (adults) stop to question or revisit or reassess if such habits and patterns make sense/feel good/are aligned, now.
What you do matters.
Whether you do it consciously or unconsciously.
Whether what you do is supportive or detrimental.
What you do impacts everything you think, feel, believe, and create.
One way or another, for better or worse, these patterns sustain your experience. They feed your beliefs, and they perpetuate your behaviors. It’s the quintessential old-dog-new-tricks-dynamic.
Not ONLY does what you do matter, but the environments you do them in, matter.
Where you do what you do ALSO helps to either perpetuate or disrupt your habits – whether good or bad, supportive or detrimental.
Here’s the really good news:
Creating a change in your routine can have unexpectedly powerful positive impacts!
But, like that old dog, you aren’t likely to discover them unless you experiment and find out.
You have the power to bring the psychology of change into your life in SUPER simple ways. Wonderfully empowering, life-enhancing ways … all while making discoveries about how to further elevate your happiness and wellbeing!
Sounds good, right?
And it works. It works because challenging conventional default modes creates a break in pattern, and this disruption of the old way, opens up opportunities for the new to come in.
Here are two simple ways to create a positive pattern interruption in your life:
(1) Do something different, or do something you already do but in a NEW way. Neither of these require you to go anywhere. As you move through your day, simply experiment with doing something even slightly different than usual. Shaking up your personal status quo could be as simple as wearing something you never wear, or cooking something you’ve never cooked before, or perhaps you don’t even change WHAT you do, but you switch up the order you do it in. Simple enough, right? Play with it, and see what you discover.
(2) Change your environment. If you know me at all, you know that I love to travel. I love how new environments inspire me in different ways. I love variety – be it a new state, country, landscape, or even just a new corner of a favorite cafe. On September 23, I will be in New Hampshire for a special event and you’re invited to JOIN me!
I am hosting this first-of-its-kind gathering that is really all about pattern interruption (a.k.a. brule breaking). Brule breaking provides a fresh approach and framework to deconstruct and challenge limiting perspectives, shift your unhelpful habits, and discover expansive new levels of awareness so that you can establish new more empowering, supportive, dream-accelerating patterns (a.k.a. the good stuff).
And THIS has the effect of naturally activating momentum, putting that skip in your step as you create more of what you desire in life.
How will YOU interrupt your regularly scheduled program?
What pattern interruption will you choose?
Comment below and tell me about it.
Ok, now you can return to your regularly scheduled program… if you wish. 😉
PS – This special event is just one hour from Boston, two hours from Providence, and just 30 minutes from Portsmouth’s airport. An easy drive or fly to beautiful New Hampshire — September 23 — in my opinion, the best time of year to be there.
Brule is not just a sassy word to know, it’s also a word to understand!
On September 23rd, I’ll be sharing something I’ve never before shared publicly: a personal story about navigating a huge blind spot. Other than the exception of a few close friends, I never imagined I’d be telling this story. After some debate, I’ve decided to do it for one reason: it is the best way I know to demonstrate a teaching that has the power to change lives.
So share, I will. And – you’re invited to be in the room when I do.
Inspired by my book, The Brules of Life, I am hosting The Brule Breakers Brunch – a special in-person gathering for people who want to break the “brules” that hold them back from the life they desire.
In case you’re not familiar with the term, “brule” is sassy slang, for bullsh*t rules. 😜 BUT – it’s so much more than a sassy word!
Brules are psychological and behavioral blind spots that impede and prevent people from thriving. And they’re sneaky. They tend to hide in plain sight! (read: We ALL have them!)
Like, for example, “Be independent” is a brule. Independence is a lie. A delusion. A myth. An impossible goal given that the truth of our interdependence is inherent and unavoidable, with evidence of this fact everywhere! (See chapter 7 in The Brules of Life for more on this critical brule to break, especially if you’re someone who feels stubborn pride – as I did before I busted through this brule – about your so-called “independence.”)
The brules that tend to hold us back the most are the ones that SEEM true and therefore go unquestioned and remain a blind spot in your unconscious, impeding you from thriving.
Blind spots happen when “brules” become embodied beliefs.
Understanding the significance of what this word really means and really represents for YOU is critically important to everything you desire in life … because seeing a blind spot and breaking even ONE brule can change the trajectory of your entire life.
It did mine!
Brule is a sassy word to know AND understand!
What if … you are just one shift, one decision, one brule-busting breakthrough away from everything you want?
I will be presenting at a special first-of-its-kind event in Exeter, New Hampshire (1 hour from Boston, 2 hours from Providence, 30 minutes from Portsmouth Airport).
JOIN ME for this special in-person event!
In addition to good food, new friends, raffle prizes and presents, you will learn:
- the applied psychology of brule-breaking
- how to go beyond seeming “limits” to create the life you think you cannot have
- how to powerfully deconstruct any brule
- the top 3 brules to break and how breaking them can open the door to a new kind of freedom.
This is an intimate event – space is very limited.
If you can be there, great! Save your seat here. I can’t wait to see you!
If you can’t be there on September 23 but still want to learn more about brules … I’ve got something for you too: Grab my FREE Book of Brules bonus chapter,The Only Skill You Ever Need. Learn the skill that makes all the difference, especially if dreaming feels carefree in ways that you do not.
Every time I sit down to write to you, my goal is (1) to provide thoughtful ways for you to feel more free and get to know yourself better, (2) to inspire you to trust your dreams more than your fears/more than you did yesterday and (3) offer some ideas for how to develop the personal habits and actions that make those dreams REAL.
In this bonus chapter, I believe I have done all three.
To success on your own terms,