No more pretending

No more pretending

Creating your life is an evolution, an ongoing expression of your freedoms and your being-ness.

Your life is the embodiment of your self-actualization.

Recognizing this, is the opposite of bypassing, and the opposite of avoiding.

The act of intentionally creating your life to be the reflection and expression of your freedoms, your potentials, your dreams, and the truth of who you are, is extraordinarily BRAVE.

Your life right now is the embodiment of your self-actualization (or lack thereof).

Your life right now is the barometer for your current level of self-actualization AND your current level of self-abandonment.

This is true for you. This is true for me.

When I was in a job that I knew was all wrong for me…
And when I felt trapped in a marriage that was full of dishonesty…
When home was a dark, musty, basement apartment…
And when my soul longed to travel, but I stayed put…

… all of this was an affront to my soul.
… and ALL of this was glaring evidence of my own self-abandonment.

Whatever degree self-actualization is lacking in your life is the same degree that self-abandonment is happening in your life. 

A tough pill to swallow, but a truly powerful one too.

This is not about blame or shame. But it’s also not about pretending.

This kind of evidence-based self-inventory isn’t for the faint of heart.

Every example of self-abandonment is an opportunity to see what’s there. 

To see, observe, learn from, and find fuel for change in the tangible evidence of your life’s creation, so far.

Seeing the YOU that is smack in the middle of it all is POWERFUL – not because you are the blame center, but because you are the POWER center.

YOU are the common denominator. And you can therefore choose to move away from self-abandonment and towards self-actualization.

You can choose to move away from what doesn’t light you up, and toward what does.
And you can choose to move away from fears about not enough, and toward enough-ness.
You can choose to move away from “I can’t” and toward “watch me figure it out.”

Doing this requires a whole lot of courage, self-inquiry, and self-integrity – asking, and seeing: What is aligned for me? What isn’t aligned for me? And, what do I really really want? If I had one year to live, what would I do with it? And if I had one year to live, what would I stop doing immediately?

Let NOW be time to get to the heart of the matter.

Objectively identifying what’s what, being fiercely honest with yourself, and then consciously deciding to grow into being the person who would (re)align what’s not, is the journey of self-actualization.

Creating a life that reflects the truth of who you are takes heart, and hutzpah. Not the “who” the world has told you to be, but who you ARE and the truth of your desires.

The work of self-actualization is not a strategy of separation.

It is not a way to distance yourself from the life you have.

And it is not about positioning yourself as the victim of your circumstances.

It is not about shame or blame or pretending. (I said that already, but it’s worth repeating.)

And, truth be told, it’s a mission that is never done. Until you leave this Earth, it’s an ongoing creation, moment by moment.

When on a mission of self-actualization, as long as you’re alive, there will always be “lag time” between who you ARE and the life you’re creating to be a reflection of that being-ness, that person.

It is therefore not a fixed point, and it is not a destination. It’s an expression. An evolutionary unfolding. It’s a journey of self-responsibility, of empowerment, of healing, and of doing what’s needed to shift any aspect of your life that isn’t for you.

Ultimately, this requires that you get intimate with yourself, and intimate with you life – both as it IS and as you wish it to be.

Step one is seeing what’s there. Stepping back to see the mirror that IS your life. Facing your life, perhaps as you never have before. And then, participating fully in its evolution and ongoing creation so that it can align that much more fully with the dreams in your heart and truth of YOU – who you are here to be.

Big love,

P.S. Self-inquiry eats regret for breakfast. Going after your dream life, finally living it, moving from your life now to the life you want to have – all of this can feel utterly terrifying! How do you know what you want? How do you get what you want? And how do you face all the uncertainty and that huge climb from where you are now to the life of your dreams? 👇

There’s one skill that unlocks all the rest.  And my totally free and totally updated Only Skill You Ever Need guide and bonus chapter goes through exactly that.

Ready for that dream life of yours? Grab your free copy here.

I interrupt this broadcast

I interrupt this broadcast

I interrupt this broadcast …

Many of the things we do are automatic. They’re instilled and engrained in us by what we’ve been taught and socially conditioned to do – or not do.

So much so, that autopilot kicks in. RARELY do we (adults) stop to question or revisit or reassess if such habits and patterns make sense/feel good/are aligned, now.

What you do matters.

Whether you do it consciously or unconsciously.

Whether what you do is supportive or detrimental.

What you do impacts everything you think, feel, believe, and create.

One way or another, for better or worse, these patterns sustain your experience. They feed your beliefs, and they perpetuate your behaviors. It’s the quintessential old-dog-new-tricks-dynamic.

Not ONLY does what you do matter, but the environments you do them in, matter.

Where you do what you do ALSO helps to either perpetuate or disrupt your habits – whether good or bad, supportive or detrimental.

Here’s the really good news:

Creating a change in your routine can have unexpectedly powerful positive impacts!

But, like that old dog, you aren’t likely to discover them unless you experiment and find out.

You have the power to bring the psychology of change into your life in SUPER simple ways. Wonderfully empowering, life-enhancing ways … all while making discoveries about how to further elevate your happiness and wellbeing!

Sounds good, right?

And it works. It works because challenging conventional default modes creates a break in pattern, and this disruption of the old way, opens up opportunities for the new to come in.

Here are two simple ways to create a positive pattern interruption in your life:

(1) Do something different, or do something you already do but in a NEW way. Neither of these require you to go anywhere. As you move through your day, simply experiment with doing something even slightly different than usual. Shaking up your personal status quo could be as simple as wearing something you never wear, or cooking something you’ve never cooked before, or perhaps you don’t even change WHAT you do, but you switch up the order you do it in. Simple enough, right? Play with it, and see what you discover.

(2) Change your environment. If you know me at all, you know that I love to travel. I love how new environments inspire me in different ways. I love variety – be it a new state, country, landscape, or even just a new corner of a favorite cafe. On September 23, I will be in New Hampshire for a special event and you’re invited to JOIN me!

I am hosting this first-of-its-kind gathering that is really all about pattern interruption (a.k.a. brule breaking). Brule breaking provides a fresh approach and framework to deconstruct and challenge limiting perspectives, shift your unhelpful habits, and discover expansive new levels of awareness so that you can establish new more empowering, supportive, dream-accelerating patterns (a.k.a. the good stuff).

And THIS has the effect of naturally activating momentum, putting that skip in your step as you create more of what you desire in life.

How will YOU interrupt your regularly scheduled program?

What pattern interruption will you choose?

Comment below and tell me about it.

Ok, now you can return to your regularly scheduled program… if you wish. 😉

Big love,

PS – This special event is just one hour from Boston, two hours from Providence, and just 30 minutes from Portsmouth’s airport. An easy drive or fly to beautiful New Hampshire — September 23 — in my opinion, the best time of year to be there.

Why I don’t often share personal things

Why I don’t often share personal things

Last week I announced that I’m doing a special in-person event.  At this event, one thing I’ll be sharing is a vulnerable story about a personal blind spot – one that I honestly only ever thought I’d share with my closest friends.

I’m scared and excited.

I don’t often share personal things in professional settings. So, it’s a really big deal for me and I’d be so honored if you want to come join in the experience with me.

Part of why I don’t tend to share personal things has to do with professional boundaries.

It’s a judgment call, of course. But sometimes I see others in my industry use the word “vulnerability” when sharing something that strikes me as a positive spin on what is actually just oversharing.

Just my opinion, of course.

But my point is – I’m careful about it.

Coaching individuals for decades has taught me a lot about what really helps people realize their dreams and goals. What I know is that helping people see blind spots and clear the mental and emotional blocks that are limiting them is far more effective, transformational, and lasting than telling people how to live or what to do.

When it comes to my professional life, I only ever want to share something vulnerable when I’m sure it has purpose. By this, I mean, I need to be sure it enhances a message or teaching in a way that wouldn’t be as potent without the personal story. I don’t just share to share or to demonstrate vulnerability for the sake of it.

I want to first feel sure it helps deliver something that has the power to change lives.

And, this time, after much reflection, I’m sure.

I think it’s going to be an amazing experience where I get to share with you and, if you choose, you get to share with me too. And together, we can walk away from this powerful gathering clear about what is going to have a big impact for each of us.

Shining a light on socially-steeped ideas that impede people from living full-out is what helps create swift and positive change.

Removing mental and emotional obstacles clears the path.

And this naturally activates the momentum needed to create more of what is desired in life.

As I allow the natural momentum around my mission (to revolutionize and optimize the human experience by helping people create the life they think they cannot have), I am trusting this next iteration of where I’m being led.

Brule breaking provides a fresh approach and framework to deconstruct and challenge limiting perspectives. It shifts unhelpful habits. Brule breaking builds expansive levels of awareness, and establishes new patterns so that you too can create the life you think you cannot have.

I hope you’ll join me. To claim a seat at The Brule Breakers Brunch in New England on September 23rd, click here.

Big love,

 

 

HOW you have to show up for yourself [part 2]

HOW you have to show up for yourself [part 2]

[Didn’t read Part 1? Click HERE.]

From the moment I learned about the book publishing training happening in Italy and decided to get myself on a flight to Europe, put my butt in the seat, and show up for my book dreams … the entire experience has been terrifically exciting, while also deeply vulnerable, emotionally overwhelming, and, at times, intellectually confusing.

For perspective: One literary agent, whose book I’m reading, likens getting a traditional publishing deal to being the rare “sperm with merit” that manages to get through – because 99.9% of those who pitch their book proposals, don’t.

If I want this, (and I do), I have an enormous amount of work ahead of me. I also have a gajillion doubts and questions about what to do, how to do it, and, frankly, whether I can.

So…

Am I feeling overwhelmed by the learning curve and the work I have ahead of me?

Am I feeling vulnerable and afraid that it will only ever result in a pile of rejection letters, at best?

And am I wondering and battling thoughts that doubt whether I really have what it takes?

You bet I am!

But – these feelings are NOT a free pass to deflect responsibility for my actions, or inactions.

Feelings of confusion and overwhelm do not dictate or predetermine me to quit.

Such feelings also don’t dictate or predetermine YOU to quit.

This is when it’s time to:

  • Take some deep breaths and do what’s needed to settle your nervous system
  • Go for a walk to shake off the nerves and come back to it
  • Get a good night’s sleep and start fresh in the morning
  • ASK FOR HELP from the people who are there to help

👆 This is what showing up for yourself and your dream looks like.

Expect overwhelm! AND, stay in “the room” to receive support, the very reason you decided to be there in the first place!

Rather than a reason to quit, it is all the more reason to be vulnerable and available for support.

This, my friend, is the game-changer.

And it’s not only what I do for my clients, it’s also what I do as a lifelong learner who believes and trusts that my dreams have merit.

I seek out experts who guide me, so that, despite me being intimidated and overwhelmed, I have support from those who can guide my hand, hold me accountable, challenge me to step up, take action, learn new skills, and set myself up for the results I want.

This way, even on days when doubt and fear want to have their way and try to derail my belief or undermine my momentum and my capabilities, I KEEP GOING.

That is why I do this work and this is what I want for you.

Your dreams become possible and you become so much more powerful with this kind of support on your side.

When you show up for ACCOUNTABILITY and you keep showing up for yourself and your dreams, and you keep stepping up to the challenges that present themselves, calling on support for help as needed … that’s when forward movement becomes INEVITABLE.

My private clients know that, in addition to our regular private coaching calls, they can always send me a message with any quick questions that come up, anytime, and I’ll reply. They reach out, we get their questions answered, and they get quickly back on track. This is just one of the many aspects that Dream Acceleration Program members receive that helps them to realize their dreams and create accelerated results.

If you’re not quite ready for that level, another option is to dip your toe in by starting with my 6-week No-Vacation-Needed Blueprint training.

Lastly, if you’re not sure which option is best for you and you want some help determining that, I’m here for that conversation too. Let’s talk!

Big love,

What I missed on the way to my dreams

What I missed on the way to my dreams

On a good day, I felt restless. On a bad day, I felt like a caged animal.

Exasperated, I came home from work to my dark, musty, basement apartment – a glaring reminder that I was not just figuratively, but literally, underground. Drowning in student loan debt, I rarely answered my phone because collection agencies were calling me daily. Trying to find my way in the world wasn’t easy. Emotional and practical baggage of difficult family dynamics and estrangement seemed to be hitting me all at once. I felt like a victim of circumstances, dealt an unfortunate hand, profoundly alone in my struggles.

The job I begrudgingly got at an Ivy League university to establish some stability, looked good on paper, but my soul was dying, a little more every day. If I had to sit through one more hour-long meeting that could have been communicated by an email, I was going to lose it. Things were done in inefficient ways for no reason other than it’s the way they’d always done it. This felt archaic to me, but rethinking conventions wasn’t welcomed or encouraged. Waiting for that clock on the wall to read 5:00 felt like an insult to my personal integrity and pride, not to mention that I’d finished my work hours earlier. And the starched button down shirt I wore, because I thought I should, felt like a straight-jacket, a costume that belonged to someone else – but not me.

I knew I couldn’t stay.

While going through the motions on all the things I thought I was supposed to do, I was losing myself. On autopilot, I’d drive to work, or the grocery store, or the gym (when I could get myself to go) feeling more and more disconnected from who I was. I wasn’t challenged. I wasn’t inspired. I felt contained, micro-managed, and caught in status quo games that I didn’t want to play.

I felt like I was drowning, and I knew no one was coming to save me.

Underneath my restlessness and frustration, was a growing sense that I was meant for MORE, that this couldn’t possibly be all I was meant to do, be, or have.

I knew I needed to take the reins and reshape my life, to reshape my reality, to figure out how to not live in a basement apartment forever, to create a life that was my own, that reflected the truth of who I was.

It was from that dark musty basement apartment, that I gazed out that teeny-tiny window with a view of the sidewalk and the tires of cars passing by … and I’d dream.

I dreamed of:

having the freedom to travel when and where I please
√ having my own location-independent company so that I could work from anywhere
a home with lots of natural light
becoming a bestselling author
wealth on my own terms
finding love
having time and energy for creativity and play
making a positive impact, serving others in meaningful ways that made their life better
being myself without boundaries.

The voice of my soul, and seeds of my own self-actualization, were surfacing.

There was a huge difference between the caged, soul-crushing, autopilot life I felt constrained and uninspired by, and my dreams. The problem was I couldn’t figure out how and where to find a bridge between the two.

A few things were missing, and when I finally figured those out, everything changed. Quickly.

What was missing was…

  • Self-trust
  • Belief that dreams my were possible – for not just other people, but for me
  • A way to see and transform my blind spots and expand my thinking

I needed to step up for myself, rather than waiting around for things to change, or others to approve. I needed to go from complaining about what my life currently was to becoming the person that COULD and WOULD move out of it.

What I needed to learn was…

  • How to manage my energy
  • What to do with fear
  • How to navigate naysayers

I needed the skills and support to take the REINS on my life, to listen to my heart, and really take ownership of the life I dreamed and envisioned for myself. To stop fear from running the show, I needed to get out of my head and shift my focus from all the seeming limits of my current circumstance to finding strategies and ways forward that I couldn’t yet see but chose to believe were there to be found.

What I needed to do was…

  • Get the right support
  • Take brave consistent action
  • Show up fully for what I was saying I wanted

I needed support from someone who’d been there. And perspective OUTSIDE what I’d already tried, a shift out of what had created the life I had, and into creating the totally different life I wanted.

So, I got support. And I changed my thinking. And I became a different version of me.

Spoiler alert: It worked.

Not only have I achieved my “impossible” dreams and the freedom I so craved, I have built a business and a profoundly fulfilling, decades-long, career around helping others rethink conventions, chart their own course, live their dreams, rediscover themselves, and realize what’s possible.

I help you create the life you think you cannot have. 

Your dreams, like mine, are fuel on your path to self-actualization.

The first step along the way to THAT life? Want the key to reclaiming what’s missing, to create everything you want for yourself, to finally make that change? >>> The Only Skill You Ever Need

xo,

P.S. Going after your dream life, finally living it, moving from your life now to the life you want to have – all of this can feel completely overwhelming! How do you know what you want? How do you GET what you want? Where do you start? How do you face all the uncertainty and that huge climb from where you are now to the life of your dreams?

There’s one skill that unlocks all the rest.

And my totally free and totally updated Only Skill You Ever Need guide and bonus chapter goes through exactly that.

Ready for that dream life of yours?