My wish for you

My wish for you

Before sharing my wish for you, I need to also share that I used to think progress had to be hard and involve high-pressure changes, deadlines, and intensity.

Now I strive simply because I love the feeling of betterment.

This, I believe, is how you know you have shifted from Survival Mode to what I lovingly refer to as “Thrival” Mode.

Neither mode is wrong, or bad, or less valid, or less important. 

I have certainly created from both modes.

Goals that help you SURVIVE tend to bring a sense of relief and necessity. 

Goals that help you THRIVE tend to be enriching, expansive, and leave you wondering what else you can create.

This has been my experience, at least.

Thriving can take many forms. From relationships, to health, to career, to creativity, to finances, to how you spend your time…

I’m curious: What are your thoughts about the New Year? As you reflect on your goals, are they more centered around relief and necessity, or expansive creation and enrichment?

I am an advocate of nontraditional resolutions. 

One year – 2012 to be exact – my resolution was to drink more wine. To be clear, more drinking wasn’t the goal so much as it was a symbolic antidote to my having realized that I was taking myself and my life way too seriously.

There were times that year when I would realize, “oops! It’s been weeks since I’ve had any wine!” … and then would promptly remedy that situation. 😊 My “more wine” resolution represented the larger, overarching goal, and the true intention behind my resolution: living less in Survival Mode, and more in Thrival Mode.

It was a resolution to savor the good stuff, and to loosen up for cryin’-out-loud. (It worked.)

As basic as it sounds, recognizing that ‘savoring the good stuff’ is what people who thrive do … I wanted THAT.

For many of us – and for very good reasons – thriving doesn’t come easily. 

If life has taught you to be on guard, worried, careful, self-protective, defensive, armored, alert at all times … then it makes total sense that you’d have to learn how to thrive.

And like most learning curves, the process can be awkward. What seems “basic” to others may be a significant pattern interruption for a “thrival” newbie – one that requires real effort, frequent reminders, and significant shifts in thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.

It is a normal part of any learning process for there to be some flailing and fumbling before new approaches and new experiences feel truly good.

If life has taught you that THRIVING involves letting your guard down in a way that feels unsettling, then it is totally understandable to feel like a fish out of water.

Even “savoring the good stuff” can feel strange, illogical, inconvenient – at first.

Surrounding yourself with the right support as you consciously recalibrate towards thriving, helps a lot. Having frequent reminders and personalized support as you make those shifts in beliefs and behaviors – as you establish a new normal – makes an enormous difference in helping to ensure that you don’t revert back to your old familiar ways.

Many, in an effort to avoid the work of making conscious shifts, or having to endure those awkward newbie moments, choose instead to just stay where they are. They default to Survival Mode because it’s what’s familiar, because it’s what’s KNOWN.

My wish for YOU is that 2024 is a Year of Thrival.

Refreshingly unlike anything else that I know of in the coaching/author space, I have created The Brule Breakers Club, a place where you get to PRACTICE fully implementing the learnings and the implementation process required to THRIVE.

You, of course, are welcome. I’ll be sharing more in the weeks to come about how to dig into your personal psychology and how to master the art of thriving…

But for now, I’m curious – do YOU have any unconventional resolutions for yourself this year?

Love,

Tara Sage

Applied Psychology Coach & Author of The Brules of Life

A “rantifesto” about MISTAKES

Maybe it’s got something to do with being in my 40s.  Perhaps it’s the culmination of decades of metaphysical searching and being a student of psychology. I’m pretty confident the thousands of people I’ve coached and/or “workshopped” while being in business since 2004 has got something to do with it. And maybe it’s the result of skillful listening to all the personal stories that I’ve heard. I also credit the breadth of cross-cultural experiences I’ve had and the traveling I’ve done…

Whatever the case, I AM SO *OVER* THE WHOLE PARADIGM OF CONCEPTUALIZING THINGS AS MISTAKES.

When you break down the word “mis-take”, it really just boils down to having the opportunity for another “take”.

Yet commonly, “mistake” and “wrong” are considered synonymous, and I’m done with that.

I truly don’t see choices made – especially after the fact – as right or wrong. That is far too binary and entirely too simplistic. I’m done attempting to fit things I’ve done and decisions I’ve made. and attempts at new ideas or directions, into rigid little judgement-filled, “should” and “shouldn’t”, “success” or “failure”, “right” or “wrong” categories of regret.

Are you with me on this?

I mean, really … if you haven’t done plenty of “oops” stuff in your life, you haven’t lived. (How else would we have gotten so wise and have so many terrific stories to tell, right?!?)

I have certainly taken my share of turns down roads I backed the heck out of soon after, and detours that required some serious navigation to find my way again.

But – I nonetheless have grown to love my mis-takes. 

Shame need not be a badge you wear as proof that you learned a lesson.

For realz.

If anything, wear a great big bright and colorful badge of self-forgiveness, self-love, personal freedom, and a sense of humor.

These alone are terrific outcomes due to a “mis-take”.

Wrong turn? Big whoopin’ deal. Now you know.

The choices you made were made from the level of understanding you had at the time. And when you know better you do better. Ready to real create momentum in a new and powerful direction? =>  Hire a stellar life coach and you’ll only further accelerate your success. [shameless plug I’m not sorry for]

Be honest: More likely than not, it probably wasn’t ALL “wrong”, so don’t throw “it” all out the window, unless of course that’s truly where it belongs. But much more likely, is you now have a whole lot more detail and nuanced clarity about what IS a fit for you and how to best proceed from here.

All great news. 

While you’re at it, don’t hold toooo TIGHT to the new vision, because unnerving as it is, this’ll likely evolve and change too!

Because as long as you’re alive you’re going to continue to grow and change and it only makes sense that your direction will change with you. Once you get wherever “there” is, there will always be another “there” to get to. What fits ‘just right’ now, doesn’t come with a guarantee that you won’t outgrow it later. (Sorry/You’re welcome.)

And if you do, it’s just time for (yet another) “take”.

I’ve personally coached people ages 21-74. It is NEVER too late to say this is ‘not it’.

In my opinion, this is what being alive is all about. Creating.  And recreating.

Our world is the laboratory and you and I are the experimenters, the creative inventors and tryer-on-ers and taker-off-ers. 🙂

The more lightness and kindness you can bring to your experiment called LIFE and its inevitable moment-by-moment unfoldings, the better – assuming you want joyful results.

Please understand: I am not in any way minimizing how difficult the process of moving through such awareness can be, and what’s really involved on the twisty-turny road to playful-living, self-love and self-forgiveness. I have cried on the bathroom floor. I’ve felt lost and alone at times, afraid I had really screwed things up.

Having been there, helps me coach others through it. Despite my Masters degree in Leadership and my Bachelors degree in Psychology, no text book I know of teaches this.

“Recalculations” and choosing a new path can be extremely messy and have some very real practical-level and relational-level impacts.

BUT – it’s still all just a big experiment! There is no eventual “arrival” in the seat of it’s-all-done-now, maybe until death. But you are alive – and so am I – and that means we are all meaning-making, change-making, improvisational manifesters and creators-of-our-own-experience. And not-a-one of us is 100% certain about what the heck we’re doing, or what exactly will result from our efforts.

It’s about being fully alive in the BECOMING.

It’s about living full out.

It’s about continuing to show up.

It’s about going for your dreams, no matter what.

It’s about being a work in progress, every minute of every day.

It’s about putting fear in it’s place (in the trunk, not at the steering wheel).

And ultimately it’s about you being YOU because, frankly, you are the world’s leading expert on your heart’s deepest, and evolving, desires.

Be your best and brightest version of you, as often as possible. Cliche as it may be, dance like noone’s watching – and dance like everyone’s watching, because really: who cares. I believe it’s also about leaving a legacy of as much JOY and good juju as you can. You may or may not feel called by a big mission-oriented cause, but don’t underestimate the impact you are – and can – make on the lives of others.  Dream big. Experiment. And when you mis-step, regroup, take a deep breath, and another take. 

Rant over. Thank you. Feel free to take the microphone from here. 

 

Pregnant With A Dream: Meeting Lisa Nichols

Are YOU Pregnant With a Dream?  Now, I don’t mean a baby – but rather a dream that you KNOW you are meant to bring to life, to birth something that *if you don’t* you’ll always wonder what could have been…

In the words of Marianne Williamson “Each of us is pregnant with a better version of ourselves.”

So true.  I know first-hand what it feels like to have dreams that scare the bejesus out of me, and to simultaneously know that I *MUST* bring them to life, despite my sometimes overwhelming fear. That’s why I wrote the book, Are You Pregnant With a Dream?

As life coach and founder of Create Your Life!, I know what it takes to go from Fear to Freedom, and I have coached hundreds, soon to be thousands, on the magic and momentum that takes hold when my 9-step Dream Acceleration(TM) Process gets activated.

In September 2013, after watching a YouTube video of Ms. Lisa Nichols speaking (she was in the movie The Secret, a Chicken Soup for the Soul author, founder of Motivating the Masses, and so much more…) a dream was activated in me: I wanted to meet her.  Not in a celebrity-crazed-kind-of-way.  But in a … this-woman-is-powerful-and-the-real-deal-and-I-feel-absolutely-compelled-to-do-whatever-I need-to-to-meet-and-talk-to-her kind of way.  And, proof to the power of a dream-in-action, just two short months later, it happened! 

Here are some “selfies” that Lisa Nichols and I took after a little heart-to-heart.

(Read more on what’s extra-special about THIS photo below.)

And here’s one of her working her magic on stage:

A quick aside about that second photo of us standing in front of the Lisa Nichols poster:

I noticed that, in the poster, she has braces on her teeth – and I asked her about it.  Now, really, do you think she could have had that photoshopped out before blowing it up into a great big stand-on-it’s-own poster?  Shoot. Let’s be honest … I would’ve!

Of course she could have!  BUT – she had braces when the photo was taken, so that’s what’s in the picture.  How’s THAT for a little window into how *REAL* this woman is.  🙂

It was a true honor and a privilege to not only meet her, but even more … after our off-stage connection, there was a moment (during the height of her guiding the room through a mind-blowing belief transformation process), that I SAW her.  And – she saw me see her.

People were shouting and crying and doing all kinds of wild, free and full self-expression … an experience that left every person in that room forever changed …

She did what only the best speakers do: she got herself out of the way.  And in that moment, I SAW HER, with tears in her eyes, as the room was divided into our small groups doing the exercise she had given us to do.  She and I locked eyes.  It’s was a pregnant pause.  Beautiful beyond words.  One that I will never forget it.

Thank you, Lisa Nichols. Thank you Universe of Possibility.  It’s good to be alive.  It’s not always easy – but it’s so so good…  We are absolutely in this together.

So, again, may I ask … Are YOU Pregnant With a Dream?

May your dreams always inspire more than they intimidate.

Love and blessings,

Tara

Basement & Bathtub Mojo

Joy to you!

Those of you who know my story, know that my dream realization mojo really kicked into gear from the depths of the dark, musty, basement apartment where I lived … for 3 years!

bathYep. At the time, I was absolutely drowning in debt and I spent most Friday and Saturday nights with my cat. Trust me, the metaphor was not lost on me that my basement “digs” were a constant reminder that I was LITERALLY underground. Yet, it was there that I started to dream … determined and believing that that there had GOT to be a better way!

I used to look out my tiny-tiny window – with the view of the sidewalk and the tires of cars passing by – and I’d dream. While I didn’t know it at the time, this is where seeds of Create Your Life! were born.

Now, not only was my apartment in a basement, it had a teeny-tiny *black* bathroom – yes, black paint(!) was on the walls. (Trust me, I thought many times about re-painting, but I simply couldn’t stand to be IN there long enough to repaint it!)  My teeny-tiny black bathroom, of course, had a stand-up shower.  Oh, how I DREAMED of a bathtub!!

So when I *finally* moved out – and bought a house (which is another story for another time) – a bathtub was one of my non-negotiable requirements. And to this day, I love and cherish my bathtub.  It is, to me, a sacred place of respite. A few candles, some bath salts – sometimes a glass of wine – and my bathtub becomes an at-home spaaaaaaahhh…  A mini-vacation. No packing or travel required.

How ’bout you?  What is the ultimate retreat for you? What are some of the ways you give yourself a delicious break? How do you create sacred, rejuvenating time for yourself?

Do YOU need a vacation? Or, at the minimum, a break for some “you time” to unwind, to regroup, to rejuvenate?  And really … who couldn’t benefit from having more R & R?

Do You Dream of Time OFF?

Taking time off is an important part of holistic self-care and well-being. Here in the U.S., summer is fast approaching …a common time for long weekends with family and friends, days at the beach, boating, camping, hiking, gardening, barbeques, and just kickin’ back for some rest and relaxation!

Sound refreshing and inviting? Comforting and balancing? Or does it create a feeling of inner confusion and anxiety … wanting to take time off but fearing that there will be a high price to pay?

vacaWhen was the last time YOU took an honest vacation? When was the last time you truly “unplugged” from the daily grind and felt renewed, refreshed, and invigorated?

Imagine YOU … not working … and not even thinking about work.  Your energy is instead fully available for other things. It might be an hour, a weekend, a week, or a full month!  Either way, it’s precious and delightful time OFF!

Have YOU taken time off yet this year? Do you have plans for time off in the coming months? It’s not too late (or too early) to start planning and schedule this time on your calendar – you could do this right now.  Why not take this opportunity to sit down with your calendar, decide on and then DO whatever needs to be done to support YOU having some time off?

Notice: What’s coming up for you?  Are you hearing yourself say, for example:

  • “When I’m done with this project then maybe I’ll look at my calendar.”
  • “I don’t have time, with my family commitments and all..”
  • “I haven’t worked hard enough to really deserve time off.”
  • “There’s no money in the budget for a vacation.”
  • “Time off will only set me back and create more work.”
  • “I would love to but…(fill in the blank)”

Let me say … I am in no way suggesting that you re-mortgage your house or plunk down the credit card to go on an extravagant vacation. Yet here’s the risk of letting these thoughts stop you from saying “YES” to time off altogether …

It’s exactly these kinds of thought patterns of undeservedness or “someday” or “later” thinking, that can lead to a sense of martyrdom, to feeling unappreciated, to setting yourself up for burn out, AND neglecting your need for R & R can even have an adverse effect on your healthkiddie pool and well-being.

We *all* need time off!  And, truth is, taking time off allows us to be much more productive and engaged during our time on!

Time off is about shifting gears to support your holistic well-being. Time off is a KEY piece to creating true Success Synergy: a balance of working AND not working. It is an investment in well-being, and frankly … the alternative is unsustainable.

If you DON’T give yourself time to re-charge, your body will eventually demand it but – why wait ’til your bod is SCREAMING for you honor this basic need?!?  Your know better. It’s really about being someone who honors this need and allows *space* in your mind, in your heart, and in your LIFE for what nourishes you – doing what you need to do to prioritize and support of your own self-care. And really: if you don’t do it, who will?

Even if you don’t know yet exactly how or where you’re going to spend your time off, it’s important to make a commitment to carving out that time NOW. That means time unplugged – not working. (Yes, even if you *love* your job. And yes, even if the budget is tight.)

Again – there are no rules about distance, duration, or cost. A frankly, an extravagant vacation doesn’t not necessary mean a more rejuvenating vacation. So, make it your own. It could be a stay-cation!  Time off can be as simple as YOU, a magazine, and a lawn chair.  It’s about carving out “you time” – time dedicated to NOT working and NOT thinking about work. Claim it and make it yours!  Enjoy!

May your dreams always inspire more than they intimidate,