Why your goals are out of reach

Did you know that Tuesdays are said to be the busiest, most productive workday of the week? (Do you hear the hamster wheel squealing?) 

If you feel caught on a hamster wheel in life and wonder if you should give up on your dreams, please don’t give up. 

Whatever it is that you’re wanting, I’m betting you know what needs to be done.

You set a goal

You make a plan to do what needs to be done

But what often happens is it quickly becomes a struggle to actually DO … all the while, your goals remain out of reach.

Am I right?

Without you realizing it, self-sabotage is often what KEEPS you on that hamster wheel.  

Give yourself the next 3 minutes and I’m going to share:

  • three ways to SPOT self-sabotaging thought patterns, and 
  • how to STOP them from slowing down your success

Self-sabotaging thoughts are false beliefs that you have unconsciously accepted as the laws of your life. They typically live undisturbed on a repeating thought-loop that, on a neurological level, becomes a pathway in your brain of well-tread trails. They are thoughts that aren’t helpful, that can become beliefs that only add to your struggle and strife. 

Said another way, it’s what I like to refer to simply as your brain on brules.

From my 20+ years of helping people not just dream but actually LIVE those dreams … in order to get off that hamster wheel, be on the lookout for these 3 Self-Sabotaging Thought Patterns:

  1. Black and white thinking  These include “always” and “never” thoughts like, “I’ll never succeed.” or “I always fail.” A really harmful form of black and white thinking is when an experience gets turned into an identity, a foundational and detrimental self-concept, like: “I am a failure.” Black and white thinking is an all-or-nothing perspective that leaves no room for nuance.
  2. Mind reading  Examples of this are “people will think” statements, like “If I don’t go to the party, people will think I’m rude,or “ If I go after what I want, people will think I’m selfish.”
  3. Fortune telling  Fortune telling assumes that the future is already known. An example of this might be: driving to an event and deciding in advance that the drive is going to be difficult and the event is going to suck. 🫤 (Fortune telling can actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy, focusing only on the things that confirm your thoughts.)

Learning to spot your own thought patterns is a powerful step in breaking them. In fact, spotting them IS a break in pattern because now you’re observing these thought-loops instead of living from them as if they are true. 

To spot the ”brules” in YOUR brain, do this simple journaling exercise:

  • Identify a circumstance you’re in the midst of and – with that circumstance in mind – write freely for 3 minutes. Spill your thoughts and feelings about it onto a page.
  • Re-read what you wrote to see if you can spot any of the 3 self-sabotaging thought patterns I shared above. 
  • Celebrate what you notice, knowing that noticing, alone, is a break in the old pattern. 

For bonus points, RE-WRITE any statements you’ve identified as self-sabotaging thought patterns and re-write the rules you accept as the laws of YOUR life

If you want to take this further, I’ve got a free Guidebook that you can download here where I help you bring goal-setting to life. 

Let’s make today your “someday.”

Will Brule Breakers Club work for me? 

Will Brule Breakers Club work for me? 

Will Brule Breakers Club work for me? 

“I’ve seen your stuff about Brule Breakers Club. Will this actually work for me?”

I get it. You’ve tried other things before, as we talked about in this message. And of course there’s the question of “do I have enough time for this, I’ve got responsibilities,” and maybe you’re concerned about what making changes will mean for you.

Again, I get it. 

But here’s the thing. 

If you:

  • Have a dream or goal that you really want to achieve, but haven’t yet
  • Feel restless and like there’s got to be more to life than this
  • Are uninspired by status quo repetition and predictably  
  • Want to BE who you know, deep inside, that you can be  
  • Never want to regret NOT going for the dreams that live in your heart and that don’t, and won’t, go away
  • Feel isolated or tired of trying to figure all this out by yourself

Then, this program is for YOU and this truth-telling message is better than any fortune cookie. 🥠

Turning the page on Survival Mode and starting the next chapter – “Thrival” Mode – doesn’t happen automatically, for two reasons:

  1. It requires time and effort to learn new skills, establish new habits, and build new levels of understanding.
  2. In addition to your life being alive and in motion, its own in-flux system, you are also in relationship with other systems – other living, breathing beings and social and societal constructs – that also are in flux and alive with motion, direction, desires, and no shortage of brules. 🥴

This is why anyone who tells you (or sells you) on one formula or a guaranteed path is either foolish enough to believe that or isn’t telling you the truth.

If you are wondering if The Brule Breakers Club will work for you, here are my crystal ball predictions:

Let me preface this by saying, having doubts and questions is absolutely 100% normal.

This is not a problem.

Sometimes people – even my clients, on occasion – fight to convince me that they can’t realize their dreams, that they can’t move the blocks, and that things just won’t work for them. (This belief that they can’t is what I call “the brain behind the brules.”)

What becomes PROBLEMATIC is when, due to these totally normal doubts and questions, people sit on the fence forever … questioning and questioning and questioning whether something will “work for them.” 

Prediction #1:

It for sure won’t work with a fencepost under your rear! 🤓

When it comes to applied psychology, behavior modification and belief modification must go hand-in-hand because one without the other simply doesn’t work and isn’t sustainable. 

A willing mindset is key. So, if you are someone who holds tight to that fence and to “this WON’T work for me”… and refuse to open up to the possibility that it WILL … and if you are someone who prefers to dig your heels in and insist that you “can’t,” and you are steadfast in the belief that you can’t change your beliefs… then this might not be the Club for you. 

IF, on the other hand, rather than dig your heels in and hold tight to the belief that you can’t…

√ You are willing to doubt your doubt, recognize that you are a living, breathing, evolving being, and celebrate that embracing this means embracing expanding possibilities and untapped potential…

and

√ You are someone who understands that getting results isn’t about what you know, it’s about what you IMPLEMENT and practice…

Then, 

Prediction #2:

Heck yeah! You are likely to get an enormous amount of value from your membership

You can’t just put a date on the calendar and consider it done. But what you CAN do to speed up your progress is commit to the process of BECOMING the person who would have the life you want. By embodying and intentionally constructing the YOU you will be without all those blind spots hiding in the shadows, and without all those limiting beliefs you currently accept as (or at least act as if they are) true, AND without those obstacles that you keep repeatedly stubbing your toe on, the likelihood of your breakthroughs and your desired results increases exponentially!

Brules are sneaky bastards, and I’m here for you through ALL of it.

In The Brule Breakers Club, we’re going to tell the truth and focus on what is in your control. You are not in control of all the pieces and all the relationships and you can’t “make” other people or systems respond like you wish they would, when you wish they would. 

But – you 100% CAN show up for yourself in ways that are self-trusting, self-affirming, congruent, and powerfully aligned with who you are here to BE. When you do THAT, new paths are found, and you learn who you are and what you’re capable of.

Rather than continue to let brules hold you back, let’s make the unseen visible so that you can shift it. 

Prediction #3:

Making such changes may make you feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but it’s also what supports your desired outcomes, personal empowerment, growth and transformation. It’s what enables you to make – and maintain – positive changes so that you THRIVE!

☝️ This is why I highly recommend taking advantage of the annual membership option. (monthly membership is also available)

Come join us! Be “in the room” for deconstruction of the countless brules that hold you back.

To support The Brule Breakers Club container, culture, mission, objectives and purpose, the brules we explore and deconstruct inside The Brule Breakers Club are exclusively focused on the brules outlined in my book, The Brules of Life: 15 Bullshit Rules to Break for a No-Vacation-Needed Life + the 15 brules I’ll be sharing in my NEXT book, and future books. (That’ll be 60 brules in total! As a member, you will receive not only the Table of Contents for future books as they are outlined, but also pre-release chapters, with discussion and coaching around them.)

All of THIS, when shared within a community of support, is what predictably creates, amplifies and accelerates your results.

With so much love, 

Fortune-teller Tara  🔮

Applied Psychology Coach & author of The Brules of Life

P.S. Have questions? Curious to learn how brule breaking can help YOU? Reach out for a Personalized Brule Breaker Chat, a fun powerful 1:1 connection opportunity. You just have a few days left to join for the remaining bonuses!  

Quitter’s Day??

Quitter’s Day??

Quitter’s Day ??

Ever hear of “Quitters Day”? 

It’s a pseudo-holiday, the second Friday in January. It’s the day when most people quit on their New Year resolutions. 

Research shows that only 9% of Americans that make resolutions complete them, and 23% of people quit their resolutions by the end of the first WEEK! A whopping 43% quit by the end of January. 

Given this data, Quitters Day seems to mark a day that many people “observe.”

I personally think resolutions shouldn’t start until February. 

I am an advocate of January being a month that’s focused purely on reflecting and regrouping. Reflecting on the year that’s passed and reorganizing your space, and your mind, to set clear intentions and ready yourself for what’s to come.

Only from THIS clarity can you really, in fairness, determine what’s most important to you and create an actual plan to implement what you’re resolving to DO about it. You need some time to sort it all out, to get your ducks in a row and set an executable plan into motion for the coming months and year … for HOW you’re going to actually CREATE your desired changes.

It’s too important to rush. 

Don’t blame yourself if you’ve been guilty of quitting on resolutions before you really start.

It’s not you. The cultural expectation of January 1st-resolution-setting is innately flawed. It sets you up to fail.

Premature resolution-setting, combined with a lack of a doable plan of action, and more often than not, without the right accountability team of support helping to ensure it happens – fine-tuning as needed along the way (because this too is part of actually DOING it)  – is, in large part, WHY most resolutions fail, almost as soon as they start!

Take a brule-breaking approach to planning out your new year with a refreshingly unconventional approach and strategic plan for a year of “thrival.” This is what will have you feeling grounded, organized, and excited about your “resolutions”… crystal clear about what you want and what to focus on next.

Launch into a year of transformation (anytime!) by joining the last life coaching program you’ll ever need.

Unlock liberating, life enhancing, brule breaking freedoms and delights so that you can fulfill your dreams and desires and BE who you are here to be – now and later.

Invaluable!

Claim your membership now: Become a Brule Breakers Club member today!

Love, 

Applied Psychology Coach & author of The Brules of Life

My wish for you

My wish for you

Before sharing my wish for you, I need to also share that I used to think progress had to be hard and involve high-pressure changes, deadlines, and intensity.

Now I strive simply because I love the feeling of betterment.

This, I believe, is how you know you have shifted from Survival Mode to what I lovingly refer to as “Thrival” Mode.

Neither mode is wrong, or bad, or less valid, or less important. 

I have certainly created from both modes.

Goals that help you SURVIVE tend to bring a sense of relief and necessity. 

Goals that help you THRIVE tend to be enriching, expansive, and leave you wondering what else you can create.

This has been my experience, at least.

Thriving can take many forms. From relationships, to health, to career, to creativity, to finances, to how you spend your time…

I’m curious: What are your thoughts about the New Year? As you reflect on your goals, are they more centered around relief and necessity, or expansive creation and enrichment?

I am an advocate of nontraditional resolutions. 

One year – 2012 to be exact – my resolution was to drink more wine. To be clear, more drinking wasn’t the goal so much as it was a symbolic antidote to my having realized that I was taking myself and my life way too seriously.

There were times that year when I would realize, “oops! It’s been weeks since I’ve had any wine!” … and then would promptly remedy that situation. 😊 My “more wine” resolution represented the larger, overarching goal, and the true intention behind my resolution: living less in Survival Mode, and more in Thrival Mode.

It was a resolution to savor the good stuff, and to loosen up for cryin’-out-loud. (It worked.)

As basic as it sounds, recognizing that ‘savoring the good stuff’ is what people who thrive do … I wanted THAT.

For many of us – and for very good reasons – thriving doesn’t come easily. 

If life has taught you to be on guard, worried, careful, self-protective, defensive, armored, alert at all times … then it makes total sense that you’d have to learn how to thrive.

And like most learning curves, the process can be awkward. What seems “basic” to others may be a significant pattern interruption for a “thrival” newbie – one that requires real effort, frequent reminders, and significant shifts in thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.

It is a normal part of any learning process for there to be some flailing and fumbling before new approaches and new experiences feel truly good.

If life has taught you that THRIVING involves letting your guard down in a way that feels unsettling, then it is totally understandable to feel like a fish out of water.

Even “savoring the good stuff” can feel strange, illogical, inconvenient – at first.

Surrounding yourself with the right support as you consciously recalibrate towards thriving, helps a lot. Having frequent reminders and personalized support as you make those shifts in beliefs and behaviors – as you establish a new normal – makes an enormous difference in helping to ensure that you don’t revert back to your old familiar ways.

Many, in an effort to avoid the work of making conscious shifts, or having to endure those awkward newbie moments, choose instead to just stay where they are. They default to Survival Mode because it’s what’s familiar, because it’s what’s KNOWN.

My wish for YOU is that 2024 is a Year of Thrival.

Refreshingly unlike anything else that I know of in the coaching/author space, I have created The Brule Breakers Club, a place where you get to PRACTICE fully implementing the learnings and the implementation process required to THRIVE.

You, of course, are welcome. I’ll be sharing more in the weeks to come about how to dig into your personal psychology and how to master the art of thriving…

But for now, I’m curious – do YOU have any unconventional resolutions for yourself this year?

Love,

Tara Sage

Applied Psychology Coach & Author of The Brules of Life

Brule – a sassy word to know AND understand!

Brule – a sassy word to know AND understand!

Brule is not just a sassy word to know, it’s also a word to understand!

On September 23rd, I’ll be sharing something I’ve never before shared publicly: a personal story about navigating a huge blind spot. Other than the exception of a few close friends, I never imagined I’d be telling this story. After some debate, I’ve decided to do it for one reason: it is the best way I know to demonstrate a teaching that has the power to change lives.

So share, I will. And – you’re invited to be in the room when I do.

Inspired by my book, The Brules of Life, I am hosting The Brule Breakers Brunch – a special in-person gathering for people who want to break the “brules” that hold them back from the life they desire.

In case you’re not familiar with the term, “brule” is sassy slang, for bullsh*t rules. 😜 BUT – it’s so much more than a sassy word!

Brules are psychological and behavioral blind spots that impede and prevent people from thriving. And they’re sneaky. They tend to hide in plain sight! (read: We ALL have them!) 

Like, for example, “Be independent” is a brule. Independence is a lie. A delusion. A myth. An impossible goal given that the truth of our interdependence is inherent and unavoidable, with evidence of this fact everywhere! (See chapter 7 in The Brules of Life for more on this critical brule to break, especially if you’re someone who feels stubborn pride – as I did before I busted through this brule – about your so-called “independence.”)

The brules that tend to hold us back the most are the ones that SEEM true and therefore go unquestioned and remain a blind spot in your unconscious, impeding you from thriving.

Blind spots happen when “brules” become embodied beliefs. 

Understanding the significance of what this word really means and really represents for YOU is critically important to everything you desire in life … because seeing a blind spot and breaking even ONE brule can change the trajectory of your entire life. 

It did mine!

Brule is a sassy word to know AND understand!

What if … you are just one shift, one decision, one brule-busting breakthrough away from everything you want? 

I will be presenting at a special first-of-its-kind event in Exeter, New Hampshire (1 hour from Boston, 2 hours from Providence, 30 minutes from Portsmouth Airport). 

JOIN ME for this special in-person event!

In addition to good food, new friends, raffle prizes and presents, you will learn:

  • the applied psychology of brule-breaking
  • how to go beyond seeming “limits” to create the life you think you cannot have
  • how to powerfully deconstruct any brule
  • the top 3 brules to break and how breaking them can open the door to a new kind of freedom. 

This is an intimate event – space is very limited.

If you can be there, great!  Save your seat here. I can’t wait to see you!

If you can’t be there on September 23 but still want to learn more about brules … I’ve got something for you too: Grab my FREE Book of Brules bonus chapter,The Only Skill You Ever Need. Learn the skill that makes all the difference, especially if dreaming feels carefree in ways that you do not.

Every time I sit down to write to you, my goal is (1) to provide thoughtful ways for you to feel more free and get to know yourself better, (2) to inspire you to trust your dreams more than your fears/more than you did yesterday and (3) offer some ideas for how to develop the personal habits and actions that make those dreams REAL. 

In this bonus chapter, I believe I have done all three.

>>> https://tarasagecoaching.com/os/

To success on your own terms,