I help people SURPRISE themselves (read how) 

I help people SURPRISE themselves (read how) 

Have a dream that feels too big, too silly, or too out of reach to actually aspire to?

I’m going to tell you a joke that may not have you laughing, but it WILL help you take a big bold step on behalf of your dream life.  💜

First, let’s normalize dreams feeling too big or out of reach. That’s by design! They feel that way because they live outside of what’s familiar and predictable. Dreams, and their very presence in your heart, invite you to s-t-r-e-t-c-h and grow into them. For all these reasons, and more, it makes sense that your dreams may feel unrealistic.

BUT – just because a dream feels unrealistic, doesn’t mean that it is.

(read that last line again)

After more than 20 years of doing this work, one of the things I love most about it is helping people surprise themselves. I absolutely LOVE witnessing what may, at first, seem impossible or unrealistic become a living dream. (You know how football fans erupt with joy when their team scores a touchdown? This is my touchdown moment.) 

For it to happen though, we must start with the fundamentals: understanding what I affectionately call “the Cosmic Joke of Dream Realization.”

The Cosmic Joke of Dream Realization boils down to this: 

“What” comes before “how.”

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.

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HA? Are you laughing?

It’s not funny. But it IS powerful! 

Like the teacher who laughed as she shared her dream of having a beach house to spend her summers at, believing it was a ridiculous prospect, given her salary.

Three weeks later, she “coincidentally” met a woman who owned a beach house and wanted a summer in the city. They did a house swap. A win-win that she couldn’t have predicted.  

I know many stories like this.

Before “the How” will reveal itself to you, you must first declare “the What.”

This first brave step to creating your very own no-vacation-needed life is an act of faith and an invitation to let the very fact of your desire be evidence that it is possible. 

Yes, a plan of action is important, but that’s not where it starts!

Do NOT make the mistake of requiring a plan before staking a claim to your dream. 

Trust me, you do not want to be the butt of this joke!

So, let yourself want what you WANT – even and especially if you have no idea how to make it happen. Doing this will likely feel entirely counterintuitive since most people believe a plan is needed to justify their dream. 

Despite however counterintuitive it may feel, it is critical NOT to treat the desire to know how it will happen as a prerequisite for letting yourself just effing want it. 

When you tell yourself the truth about what you want, refuse fears about worthiness, defy commonly held beliefs about limitation, dismiss falsities about what you can’t do, and START, the path to creating what you want reveals itself – not the other way around.

Bravely go where you have never gone before.

Want to take this further? Download my Refreshingly Unconventional Goal Setting Guidebook to create real momentum on your dreams and goals.

Big love, 

“How can I create my dream life when I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT?”

“How can I create my dream life when I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT?”

“How can I create my dream life when I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT?”

I get asked this all the time. 

So today I’m going to show you exactly how to figure it out with a great 2-part hack that turns the volume UP on your deepest dreams and desires.

First, fun fact: Nobody knows better than you what you want. As the owner of your heart, you are the leading expert on the topic. 

👆 KNOW THIS. 

You may be unclear right now but, ultimately, nobody is going to know the truth of your desires better than YOU.

This said, you’re obviously going to be able to steer your life forward with far more confidence and conviction IF you are clear about where you want to go. So, decide that it’s time to get clear on what you truly and deeply want. 

Here’s the 2-part hack. 

Part 1: 

Create a great big long list of what you DON’T want. There is a wealth of clarity to be found when you get really honest about what you don’t want.

Questions to consider:

  • What are some of the immediate things that come to mind for you that you don’t want? 
  • What would you like to say “no” to? 
  • What are you tired of doing? 
  • What feels mis-aligned to you about your life, as it is, right now?

Examples might be everyday tasks like, “I don’t want to do laundry.” Or career related, like “I don’t want a 9-to-5 job.” They might be financial, like “I don’t want to stress over paying my bills,” or perhaps deeply personal like, “I don’t want to be in this marriage anymore.” 

Nothing is off limits. Whatever it is for you, write it down … anything and everything that isn’t aligned with your truest most beautiful vision for your life.

Part 2:

After you’ve made a great big long list of declarations about what you don’t want, flip each statement into the affirmative, letting your “don’t want” list inspire just as long a list of what you DO want.

From there, you can fine tune and strategize on next steps.

By starting with what you don’t want, you can unlock HUGE amounts of clarity about what you do want and start to clarify not only WHAT you want, but HOW to get it. 

Grab a free copy of my Refreshingly Unconventional Goal-Setting Guidebook to take this further and create REAL momentum on your dreams and goals. 

Big love, 

Time management for smarties

Time management for smarties

After a bit of a hiatus while focusing on some projects I have underway, I’m happy to be back and sharing TWO GIFTS to help you champion your goals and dreams – today!

  1. An applied psychology lesson in time management 
  2. A guidebook that walks you through exactly how to take it further

 

⭐ First, the lesson:

If you feel chronically overextended, like there’s never enough time or energy to make any REAL progress on your dreams and goals, that’s a clue that something deeper is going on. 

What you THINK is the problem, likely ISN’T. 

Here’s how to identify what’s REALLY holding you back:

In the therapy and coaching space, there’s what’s referred to as the “presenting problem.” The presenting problem is what exists on the CONSCIOUS level. It’s the problem that SEEMS to be what needs solving, that if you could just find a remedy for, you’d be free!

Or so you think.

Thing is, the presenting problem is rarely the real problem. What’s really holding you back is likely happening on an UNCONSCIOUS level. 

In other words, your brain and your habits are hiding the real problem from you.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Not having enough time or energy to make progress on my dreams and goals feels like a very real problem to me, Tara!”

I completely understand. 

As a coach and author with 20+ years of bringing the psychology of change to light in empowering and accessible ways, I know how frustrating it can be to feel like there’s never enough time or energy for your dreams.

Let’s demystify this hurdle with one strategy that you can apply right away: 

At the unconscious level, people often don’t actually want and aren’t actually eager for a solution to the “presenting problem” — even when they convincingly tell you that it’s something they very much WANT! And even when they recognize that it’s a chronic problem for them.

A client example comes to mind:

Despite her awareness and seemingly emphatic desire for a solution to being “chronically overextended” (← her words), she kept saying “yes” to things!  

“Yes” to that meeting…

And “Yes” to that friend…

“Yes” to that client…

“Yes” to her kids and driving them everywhere…

The countless time management books and trainings she invested in that claim to have the answer, haven’t solved the problem. And she’s painfully aware that she’s missing out on positive opportunities and experiences simply because she doesn’t have the bandwidth to act on them!

Nonetheless, the problem persisted.

Now let me ask you this: 

If she’s AWARE of the problem and eager for a solution, WHY would she keep saying “yes” and agreeing to too much for her capacity?!? (especially knowing she has other goals she wants to prioritize and work towards, like her health and her business)

On the face of it, it doesn’t make sense.

Here’s what’s really going on:

What’s really going on is … something about it SERVES her.  

This can be hard to accept at first.

To see this more clearly for yourself, when it comes to YOU not having enough time or energy to make any REAL progress on your dreams and goals, answer these 3 questions…

Each one nudges the unconscious to become conscious. 

(1) What do you get to AVOID doing, or having to be responsible for, BECAUSE you’re overextended? 

(2) Who do you get to BE in your overextended state? What self-concept does being overextended affirm for you?  For example: Do you get to be a generous person, a kind person, an important person? Does it provide opportunities to prove – to yourself or others – that you are good? 

(3) Who would you BE if you suddenly said “no” to doing the things that keep you feeling overextended? (This question is asking you to pinpoint what might happen if you change or start doing things differently. Who might you disappoint? And what do you believe this would mean about YOU?)

While answering ALL 3 questions helps you powerfully peel back the onion and go beyond “the presenting problem” to get to the heart of the REAL problem so you can find your way to a lasting solution … answering even just ONE can be immensely helpful. 

⭐ Download the Guidebook!

Ready to take this further with FREE immediate access to my 30-page “Refreshingly Unconventional Goal-Setting Guidebook” modeled after the work I do with my private clients to create real momentum on their dreams and goals? 

Click here for your copy!

Big love,