I am NOT an Independent Woman – and neither are you.

In today’s “Tips from Tara” episode, I share something that took me years to come to terms with:

I am NOT an Independent Woman. And, you know what? Neither are you.

Gender really isn’t important here so let me re-state:

I am NOT an Independent Person — and, dare I say, neither are YOU.

If you’re thinking, “Hey, you don’t know me! How can you say that, Tara? ‘Independent’ is my middle name!”

Trust me, I get it.  >>>> Historically, I’ve prided myself on being independent.  I’m a solopreneur. I’ve traveled internationally, alone. I’ve owned property, by myself. I’ve been a landlord – actually I prefer “landlordess”. 🙂 Either way, I did it by myself.

I could go on and on with examples of how I rationalized my sense of pride and striving for independence.

But the Truth is I’m NOT independent. I’m profoundly INTER-dependent — and so are you.

To give you an example of what I mean here… a client of mine, an accomplished athlete, said something along the lines of, “I’m so tired of doing everything by myself.”  And who can’t relate to that feeling?

I asked her to give me and example of something she does by herself and she said, “Marathons.”

I challenged her.

“Really? Who made your sneakers?  Are there water stations along your route? Who set those up? Are there people cheering you on as you go? Did you grow all the food that’s fueling your body?”

(You get the idea.)

The truth is we are profoundly interconnected and profoundly interdependent and profoundly supported.

And while feeling capable as an individual is valid and important, if being “independent” is fundamentally built-in to your sense of identity, this may be a belief or a construct that limits you, that keeps you removed from collaboration, anxious or even resentful about needing to do everything by yourself, AND – more than likely pretty gosh-darned tired!

Here’s an alternative to all that …

It is time to breath into the high truth of your inter-dependence. The truth of YOU as an integral part of the whole.

Embracing and appreciating this can create more ease, experience more gratitude and grace, and savor the experience of being supported.

Together we really are so much more.

Ready to connect and experience an entirely new level of appreciation, grace, ease and the power of support?

As my GIFT to you, let’s connect for a complimentary 1:1 session and explore the possibilities together: Session With Tara.

I whole-heartedly invite you to open up to receive this fully, to say yes to support.  In our session I will be my A-game and my experience successfully serving clients since 2004.  See client success stories here.

Again the link to claim your session and get on my calendar is: www.sessionwithTara.com

Ready to live boundlessly and create a life (and business) you don’t need a vacation from? No more waiting for later. Together, we’re going to team up on behalf of your best self, and your best life, and make today your someday.

Go now to: www.sessionwithTara.com

See you there!

 

A “rantifesto” about MISTAKES

Maybe it’s got something to do with being in my 40s.  Perhaps it’s the culmination of decades of metaphysical searching and being a student of psychology. I’m pretty confident the thousands of people I’ve coached and/or “workshopped” while being in business since 2004 has got something to do with it. And maybe it’s the result of skillful listening to all the personal stories that I’ve heard. I also credit the breadth of cross-cultural experiences I’ve had and the traveling I’ve done…

Whatever the case, I AM SO *OVER* THE WHOLE PARADIGM OF CONCEPTUALIZING THINGS AS MISTAKES.

When you break down the word “mis-take”, it really just boils down to having the opportunity for another “take”.

Yet commonly, “mistake” and “wrong” are considered synonymous, and I’m done with that.

I truly don’t see choices made – especially after the fact – as right or wrong. That is far too binary and entirely too simplistic. I’m done attempting to fit things I’ve done and decisions I’ve made. and attempts at new ideas or directions, into rigid little judgement-filled, “should” and “shouldn’t”, “success” or “failure”, “right” or “wrong” categories of regret.

Are you with me on this?

I mean, really … if you haven’t done plenty of “oops” stuff in your life, you haven’t lived. (How else would we have gotten so wise and have so many terrific stories to tell, right?!?)

I have certainly taken my share of turns down roads I backed the heck out of soon after, and detours that required some serious navigation to find my way again.

But – I nonetheless have grown to love my mis-takes. 

Shame need not be a badge you wear as proof that you learned a lesson.

For realz.

If anything, wear a great big bright and colorful badge of self-forgiveness, self-love, personal freedom, and a sense of humor.

These alone are terrific outcomes due to a “mis-take”.

Wrong turn? Big whoopin’ deal. Now you know.

The choices you made were made from the level of understanding you had at the time. And when you know better you do better. Ready to real create momentum in a new and powerful direction? =>  Hire a stellar life coach and you’ll only further accelerate your success. [shameless plug I’m not sorry for]

Be honest: More likely than not, it probably wasn’t ALL “wrong”, so don’t throw “it” all out the window, unless of course that’s truly where it belongs. But much more likely, is you now have a whole lot more detail and nuanced clarity about what IS a fit for you and how to best proceed from here.

All great news. 

While you’re at it, don’t hold toooo TIGHT to the new vision, because unnerving as it is, this’ll likely evolve and change too!

Because as long as you’re alive you’re going to continue to grow and change and it only makes sense that your direction will change with you. Once you get wherever “there” is, there will always be another “there” to get to. What fits ‘just right’ now, doesn’t come with a guarantee that you won’t outgrow it later. (Sorry/You’re welcome.)

And if you do, it’s just time for (yet another) “take”.

I’ve personally coached people ages 21-74. It is NEVER too late to say this is ‘not it’.

In my opinion, this is what being alive is all about. Creating.  And recreating.

Our world is the laboratory and you and I are the experimenters, the creative inventors and tryer-on-ers and taker-off-ers. 🙂

The more lightness and kindness you can bring to your experiment called LIFE and its inevitable moment-by-moment unfoldings, the better – assuming you want joyful results.

Please understand: I am not in any way minimizing how difficult the process of moving through such awareness can be, and what’s really involved on the twisty-turny road to playful-living, self-love and self-forgiveness. I have cried on the bathroom floor. I’ve felt lost and alone at times, afraid I had really screwed things up.

Having been there, helps me coach others through it. Despite my Masters degree in Leadership and my Bachelors degree in Psychology, no text book I know of teaches this.

“Recalculations” and choosing a new path can be extremely messy and have some very real practical-level and relational-level impacts.

BUT – it’s still all just a big experiment! There is no eventual “arrival” in the seat of it’s-all-done-now, maybe until death. But you are alive – and so am I – and that means we are all meaning-making, change-making, improvisational manifesters and creators-of-our-own-experience. And not-a-one of us is 100% certain about what the heck we’re doing, or what exactly will result from our efforts.

It’s about being fully alive in the BECOMING.

It’s about living full out.

It’s about continuing to show up.

It’s about going for your dreams, no matter what.

It’s about being a work in progress, every minute of every day.

It’s about putting fear in it’s place (in the trunk, not at the steering wheel).

And ultimately it’s about you being YOU because, frankly, you are the world’s leading expert on your heart’s deepest, and evolving, desires.

Be your best and brightest version of you, as often as possible. Cliche as it may be, dance like noone’s watching – and dance like everyone’s watching, because really: who cares. I believe it’s also about leaving a legacy of as much JOY and good juju as you can. You may or may not feel called by a big mission-oriented cause, but don’t underestimate the impact you are – and can – make on the lives of others.  Dream big. Experiment. And when you mis-step, regroup, take a deep breath, and another take. 

Rant over. Thank you. Feel free to take the microphone from here.