How do you know if a Fear is real or fake? It can sometimes be very difficult to tell the difference!
According to the American Psychological Association, 95% of people do not take action on their dreams because of fear. And – 98% of the fear is unfounded.
At Create Your Life!, we call this a Fauxbia. … “f-a-u-x-b-i-a”.
Faux meaning “fake”… a “fake fear”.
Did you know that fake fears … or unfounded fears … are what prevent 98% of the 95% of people who do not move their dreams into action?
That means that the beliefs that are holding you back – the ones that are generating that fear – are made up! But rather than change or question these Beliefs (which, by the way, are just thoughts that have been thought over and over again), what’s commonly done instead is finding all kinds of practical, rational, reasons not to act.
In other words, we use our rationality as a way to then support our limiting beliefs.
See yourself in any of this? According to the stats, the likelihood is YES!
And it’s a domino effect from there – inaction creates symptoms like procrastination, avoidance, missing that meeting or phone call, not following through on an assignment, rationalizing why things are good enough, or why the timing is wrong, or being immobilized by perfectionism, or thinking things through to the point of “analysis paralysis”. All of these responses are forms of fear’s resistance and they’re also the breeding ground for feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety, loneliness, feeling stuck, victimized, in a place of lack, envious of others… Yuck.
Here’s an alternative to all that…
The key to being bigger than your fear is learning how to integrate it – and ideally even welcome it. This learning process is profoundly empowering and it’s a life-long practice.
Believe it or not, fear can be your friend. Rather than being afraid of your fear, what if you were curious about it instead? Truth is that fear, if welcomed, can propel you forward. It can inspire you to consistently expand beyond those old out-dated beliefs about what you’re really capable of.
To s-t-r-e-t-c-h beyond fear, takes courage! It helps to remember that brave people are NOT without fear. If they were, what in the world would they need bravery for?!?
Fear can be managed and it can be minimized, but it’s not going to disappear altogether. Your dreams and goals are inviting you to step into BEING a bolder, braver, more expansive version of yourself.
The more you shy away from your fear, the more power and influence fear will have over YOU. So, rather than investing your precious energy in fruitless efforts to hide from your fears, pretend they’re not there, or wish them away, why not invite Fear in for a cup of tea. (Camomile, perhaps?)
3 Steps to Go From Fear to Freedom:
The following 3-step process is an adaptation of a technique that, in psychological circles, is known as “flooding.” It is very effective in treating even the most severe phobias – or, in this case, “fauxbias”. 🙂
Done in full, this is a foolproof way to s-t-r-e-t-c-h beyond your fears and take action on even your most daring dreams.
You’ll need: pen, paper, and a willingness to write it out.
1. Get Specific About Your Fear
Before you can stretch beyond your fear, you must know what IT is! Do you know what you’re afraid OF?
Finding the vocabulary to name your fear is a courageous step all its own. Until you bring your awareness to what you are afraid of, that vague yet immobilizing fear will be in your driver’s seat. By naming your fear, you reconnect to your power, because now you see what’s in your way.
On a blank page, ask yourself, “What might happen if I really go for my dream (in that full-blown leap of faith kind of way)?” “What is the worst-case scenario?” and write out your answers in full. Give your fears an uncensored voice, getting it all out on the page. While this may seem like an enormous undertaking, and of course it takes as long as it takes, I’d honestly be surprised if you spend more than 30 minutes on this.
2. Read It Aloud
When you’re done writing, read it out loud, without interruption, ideally to someone you trust. Once you’ve finished, have the person listening ask you, “Are you ready to take action, despite your fears?” Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
If your answer is anything but a full-fledged “Yes!” then read it again, the whole thing. And again. And again. As many times as it takes, each time answering the question at the end: “Are you ready to take action, despite your fears?”
3. Take Aligned Action
Once you’ve determined that, yes, you are indeed ready to take action, despite your fears, then identify one or two clear, challenging-but-doable next steps that you WILL take to move in the direction of your dreams.
There’s no longer any reason to stay stuck. This 3-part exercise will get you unstuck, helping you move from a place of fear and doubt, into the clarity of awareness about WHAT you’re afraid of…and then back into aligned action.
BE courageous. Take this no nonsense, simple, powerful, dream-propelling next step:
–> Submit your answers to my Dream Discovery Questions and receive a complimentary Dream Discovery session with Create Your Life! Founder & Dream Acceleration™ Master Coach, Tara Sage Steeves.
Your dreams will thank you!
First come, first served, so do respond right away before your fearful Inner Naysayer successfully talks you out of why you shouldn’t do this for yourself.
I can’t wait to connect!
Joy to you!
Those of you who know my story, know that my dream realization mojo really kicked into gear from the depths of the dark, musty, basement apartment where I lived … for 3 years!
Yep. At the time, I was absolutely drowning in debt and I spent most Friday and Saturday nights with my cat. Trust me, the metaphor was not lost on me that my basement “digs” were a constant reminder that I was LITERALLY underground. Yet, it was there that I started to dream … determined and believing that that there had GOT to be a better way!
I used to look out my tiny-tiny window – with the view of the sidewalk and the tires of cars passing by – and I’d dream. While I didn’t know it at the time, this is where seeds of Create Your Life! were born.
Now, not only was my apartment in a basement, it had a teeny-tiny *black* bathroom – yes, black paint(!) was on the walls. (Trust me, I thought many times about re-painting, but I simply couldn’t stand to be IN there long enough to repaint it!) My teeny-tiny black bathroom, of course, had a stand-up shower. Oh, how I DREAMED of a bathtub!!
So when I *finally* moved out – and bought a house (which is another story for another time) – a bathtub was one of my non-negotiable requirements. And to this day, I love and cherish my bathtub. It is, to me, a sacred place of respite. A few candles, some bath salts – sometimes a glass of wine – and my bathtub becomes an at-home spaaaaaaahhh… A mini-vacation. No packing or travel required.
How ’bout you? What is the ultimate retreat for you? What are some of the ways you give yourself a delicious break? How do you create sacred, rejuvenating time for yourself?
Do YOU need a vacation? Or, at the minimum, a break for some “you time” to unwind, to regroup, to rejuvenate? And really … who couldn’t benefit from having more R & R?
Do You Dream of Time OFF?
Taking time off is an important part of holistic self-care and well-being. Here in the U.S., summer is fast approaching …a common time for long weekends with family and friends, days at the beach, boating, camping, hiking, gardening, barbeques, and just kickin’ back for some rest and relaxation!
Sound refreshing and inviting? Comforting and balancing? Or does it create a feeling of inner confusion and anxiety … wanting to take time off but fearing that there will be a high price to pay?
When was the last time YOU took an honest vacation? When was the last time you truly “unplugged” from the daily grind and felt renewed, refreshed, and invigorated?
Imagine YOU … not working … and not even thinking about work. Your energy is instead fully available for other things. It might be an hour, a weekend, a week, or a full month! Either way, it’s precious and delightful time OFF!
Have YOU taken time off yet this year? Do you have plans for time off in the coming months? It’s not too late (or too early) to start planning and schedule this time on your calendar – you could do this right now. Why not take this opportunity to sit down with your calendar, decide on and then DO whatever needs to be done to support YOU having some time off?
Notice: What’s coming up for you? Are you hearing yourself say, for example:
- “When I’m done with this project then maybe I’ll look at my calendar.”
- “I don’t have time, with my family commitments and all..”
- “I haven’t worked hard enough to really deserve time off.”
- “There’s no money in the budget for a vacation.”
- “Time off will only set me back and create more work.”
- “I would love to but…(fill in the blank)”
Let me say … I am in no way suggesting that you re-mortgage your house or plunk down the credit card to go on an extravagant vacation. Yet here’s the risk of letting these thoughts stop you from saying “YES” to time off altogether …
It’s exactly these kinds of thought patterns of undeservedness or “someday” or “later” thinking, that can lead to a sense of martyrdom, to feeling unappreciated, to setting yourself up for burn out, AND neglecting your need for R & R can even have an adverse effect on your health and well-being.
We *all* need time off! And, truth is, taking time off allows us to be much more productive and engaged during our time on!
Time off is about shifting gears to support your holistic well-being. Time off is a KEY piece to creating true Success Synergy: a balance of working AND not working. It is an investment in well-being, and frankly … the alternative is unsustainable.
If you DON’T give yourself time to re-charge, your body will eventually demand it but – why wait ’til your bod is SCREAMING for you honor this basic need?!? Your know better. It’s really about being someone who honors this need and allows *space* in your mind, in your heart, and in your LIFE for what nourishes you – doing what you need to do to prioritize and support of your own self-care. And really: if you don’t do it, who will?
Even if you don’t know yet exactly how or where you’re going to spend your time off, it’s important to make a commitment to carving out that time NOW. That means time unplugged – not working. (Yes, even if you *love* your job. And yes, even if the budget is tight.)
Again – there are no rules about distance, duration, or cost. A frankly, an extravagant vacation doesn’t not necessary mean a more rejuvenating vacation. So, make it your own. It could be a stay-cation! Time off can be as simple as YOU, a magazine, and a lawn chair. It’s about carving out “you time” – time dedicated to NOT working and NOT thinking about work. Claim it and make it yours! Enjoy!
May your dreams always inspire more than they intimidate,
I laughed out loud this week as I shared with a friend about my life in 2004 … I had just been laid off from my j-o-b and, embracing the opportunity to live my dream of being an entrepreneur, I “launched” my coaching company (a.k.a.: sent an anticlimactic email newsletter to friends and family).
I had slightly more than ZERO dollars in the bank and, weekly, I walked to a nearby deli, where for $6, they sold MASSIVE sandwiches (an entire loaf of bread stuffed with the deli selections of your choosing). I’d order one, often paying with loose change, take it home, and cut it into 6 pieces: lunch, dinner, lunch, dinner, lunch, dinner… for the next three days! Day 3 was always a bummer because by then it was super soggy. I ate it anyway because it’s what I had.
I didn’t have a Plan B. I didn’t have money … and I ALSO didn’t have anyone to bail me out if I failed.
But what I DID have was:
- Fierce determination.
- A wobbly but committed belief in my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants self.
- A willingness to do whatever it took to Be who I was Becoming … to fulfill the vision I saw of my own potential.
Do you see yourself in this?
Here’s another 2004 story that makes me laugh (now, not then) …
Three nights a week, I got in my old beater car, said a prayer and turned the key. When it started, I said another one: “Thank God!”
With still-warm business cards in the pocket of my Dress Barn suit, I would find my way to that evening’s local business networking event. I was totally intimidated and frightfully aware that I really had no business being there (in more ways than one) – but I went anyway. I intentionally parked my please-don’t-let-anyone-see-what-I’m-driving car at least 6 blocks away – a pride precaution.
I went determined to grow my mailing list. I was all too aware that the “newsletter” I wrote each week was only being
read ignored by friends and family. So, at these networking events I always asked anyone who gave me their business card if I could have their permission to add them to my newsletter list. For whatever reason, almost everyone agreed. Little successes are important and I remember celebrating in my (“please start”) car after each event as I counted how many business cards I had collected. I couldn’t wait to go home and add them to my growing-bit-by-bit mailing list.
This, a few pro bono clients, and an absolute unwillingness to quit, is how Create Your Life! began.
Of course a lot has happened between now and then … but flashing forward to now, these eight or so years later I no longer eat soggy sandwiches. I drive a car that I love (seen below). And Create Your Life! serves clients around the world through a community that grows every day.
SO MUCH TRANSFORMATION has happened in my life and in my business since then that I barely recognize “circa 2004 Tara”!
And this is good news for YOU because … I’m on a mission to share everything I’ve learned about transformation – what works, what doesn’t, and how to get on your very own fast-track to who YOU are becoming.
Through my self-study, my graduate-level studies, and my trial-and-error lessons learned, I have created the comprehensive Dream Acceleration™ Program & Process to support YOU in accelerating your own busting out of that confining old shell, stepping up and out in a bigger, bolder way, and significantly speeding up your dream realization successes by connecting to and BEING your Future You … the self-actualized Self that YOU are in the process of becoming.
Eager to learn more about how to accelerate YOUR journey? I’d love to chat with you — my GIFT. Just send me a quick email with “Dream Discovery session” in the header along with times that work best and we’ll get a date on the calendar to connect. That said, my calendar is tight, so the sooner you respond, the sooner we can chat!
May your dreams always inspire more than they intimidate,