A Brule Breaking love story

A Brule Breaking love story

A Brule Breaking love story

“I like emotionally unavailable men.”

“I like women who are mean to me.”

That about summed it up.

After sharing our respective relationship history synopses … on January 11, 2017, Carl and I decided to try something different: one another.

We’d been friends for more than a year. Between our frequent phone conversations, we met for coffee, drinks, gelato, dance events, dinners, Smithsonian museums, watching ice skaters (fall) in Georgetown, sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial at night, exploring sculpture gardens, and other DC wanderings. One time, we literally met just for a hug.

Then, one night while saying goodbye, unbeknownst to me, he apparently tried to kiss me. As I had many times before, I went in for a big “see you later” hug – utterly oblivious.

The friend zone was real. 😄

Later that week, while chatting by phone, he asked me about it.

Wait, what?!

It took me a minute to process the information and consider whether “my friend Carl” could be more than a friend. After an awkwardly looooong pause, I hesitantly said, “try again?”

Our friendship began with salsa dancing. We’d met at a club we both frequented, a regular spot for the DC salsa scene. Predictably, we were both there again a few days after our telephone call.

At the end of the night, we walked out together and sat in my car with the heat on. This is where our one-sentence relationship history confessions were made. It’s also where he “tried again.”

I tell this story with a good dose of amusement. The level of honesty we shared, each in a single sentence, was funny.

But I now also see it in a more serious light. Frankly, I’m proud of us.

That was a series of brave moves! We chose – both together and individually – to risk not only the friendship we’d solidly established, but also to consciously disrupt familiar relationship patterns.

Rather than rejecting what felt safe, warm, reliable, and kind – reserving it for friendship only – we chose something different. Safer in some ways, but wildly risky in others.

Speaking for myself, I was scared. But willing.

Rather than the enticing pursuit of repeating patterns, we leaned in to already established warmth, tenderness, kindness, and care.

We stepped out of the familiar patterns of frustration and stopped chasing those who didn’t treat us well. We reoriented our compasses away from codependent complexities and questionable commitment levels, to seeing what the assurance of clear communication and genuine care could bring. We decided to build on the foundation of friendship instead of trying to bottle the smoke and excitement of fleeting fireworks. We stopped allowing hot smoke to be more compelling than building our own fire. We chose to recognize that what we’d each been doing in our personal lives wasn’t working, and decided to experiment with a new approach.

That was 7 years ago and we’ve been together ever since.

Psst… This is much more than an anniversary story message. This is a “Tara, what do you mean when you say brule breaking, and why should I care?” message. 

Whether it’s your career, your relationships, your health, your finances, your day-to-day life – whatever it is that you WISH was different – when you break brules, new possibilities come to light.

Brule breaking has two distinct qualifiers: 

  • A conscious pattern interruption
  • The sincere desire to thrive

Brule breaking requires BOTH.

To be clear, brule breaking is NOT synonymous with rebellion. It is NOT about bucking the status quo for the sake of being bold or different. Simply being contrarian isn’t what brule breaking is either.

Brule breaking = a conscious pattern interruption + a sincere desire to thrive

Brule breaking is about doing what it takes to make a change in your “normal” when your normal isn’t helping you thrive. 

It’s about no longer unconsciously impeding your own happiness or perpetuating your own suffering.

Easier said than done.

It can be incredibly difficult to see your own blind spots. 

And it’s even HARDER to break them on your own. 

Breaking brules requires conscious pattern interruptions. Be it stopping or pausing what you’ve always done, reconsidering and reflecting in a new way to gain a new perspective, or outright change: doing new things, in new ways.

Brule breaking requires outside perspectives and inner shifts.

Brule breaking REQUIRES support.

(And, hint hint, for all these reasons: Brule breakers need The Brule Breakers Club.)

Brule breaking is not about risk for the sake of risk, or nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity.

It’s about:

  • elevating awareness around self-limiting beliefs and behaviors that you’re not fully cognizant of
  • challenging them, and
  • learning how to implement change in your life when expanding your self-concept and finding out what you’re really capable of.

I asked Carl, “Do you remember who said ‘I love you’ first?”

His answer: “This morning?”

Lol.

Neither of us remembers who said it first. It was unspoken until it was spoken.

We broke the brules that were in our way by making some brave new pattern-interrupting moves on behalf of a sincere desire to THRIVE.

And love grew. 💕

If you long for a space to challenge and reinvent parts of yourself, to see your blind spots, deconstruct your limits, and create a vision for your life that is all your own…

If you want to break brules, not for the sake of rebellion, but in the spirit of self-expression and self-actualization…

If you want to step into being the next-level you, follow your dreams and enjoy the process of growth and expansion…

If you want to become cognizant of the brules in your life, to see what’s been prescribed by social and familial norms, and shift what doesn’t help you THRIVE…

…. consider this your personal invitation to The Brule Breakers Club. ❤️

With so much love,

Applied Psychology Coach & author of The Brules of Life

I interrupt this broadcast

I interrupt this broadcast

I interrupt this broadcast …

Many of the things we do are automatic. They’re instilled and engrained in us by what we’ve been taught and socially conditioned to do – or not do.

So much so, that autopilot kicks in. RARELY do we (adults) stop to question or revisit or reassess if such habits and patterns make sense/feel good/are aligned, now.

What you do matters.

Whether you do it consciously or unconsciously.

Whether what you do is supportive or detrimental.

What you do impacts everything you think, feel, believe, and create.

One way or another, for better or worse, these patterns sustain your experience. They feed your beliefs, and they perpetuate your behaviors. It’s the quintessential old-dog-new-tricks-dynamic.

Not ONLY does what you do matter, but the environments you do them in, matter.

Where you do what you do ALSO helps to either perpetuate or disrupt your habits – whether good or bad, supportive or detrimental.

Here’s the really good news:

Creating a change in your routine can have unexpectedly powerful positive impacts!

But, like that old dog, you aren’t likely to discover them unless you experiment and find out.

You have the power to bring the psychology of change into your life in SUPER simple ways. Wonderfully empowering, life-enhancing ways … all while making discoveries about how to further elevate your happiness and wellbeing!

Sounds good, right?

And it works. It works because challenging conventional default modes creates a break in pattern, and this disruption of the old way, opens up opportunities for the new to come in.

Here are two simple ways to create a positive pattern interruption in your life:

(1) Do something different, or do something you already do but in a NEW way. Neither of these require you to go anywhere. As you move through your day, simply experiment with doing something even slightly different than usual. Shaking up your personal status quo could be as simple as wearing something you never wear, or cooking something you’ve never cooked before, or perhaps you don’t even change WHAT you do, but you switch up the order you do it in. Simple enough, right? Play with it, and see what you discover.

(2) Change your environment. If you know me at all, you know that I love to travel. I love how new environments inspire me in different ways. I love variety – be it a new state, country, landscape, or even just a new corner of a favorite cafe. On September 23, I will be in New Hampshire for a special event and you’re invited to JOIN me!

I am hosting this first-of-its-kind gathering that is really all about pattern interruption (a.k.a. brule breaking). Brule breaking provides a fresh approach and framework to deconstruct and challenge limiting perspectives, shift your unhelpful habits, and discover expansive new levels of awareness so that you can establish new more empowering, supportive, dream-accelerating patterns (a.k.a. the good stuff).

And THIS has the effect of naturally activating momentum, putting that skip in your step as you create more of what you desire in life.

How will YOU interrupt your regularly scheduled program?

What pattern interruption will you choose?

Comment below and tell me about it.

Ok, now you can return to your regularly scheduled program… if you wish. 😉

Big love,

PS – This special event is just one hour from Boston, two hours from Providence, and just 30 minutes from Portsmouth’s airport. An easy drive or fly to beautiful New Hampshire — September 23 — in my opinion, the best time of year to be there.

Why I don’t often share personal things

Why I don’t often share personal things

Last week I announced that I’m doing a special in-person event.  At this event, one thing I’ll be sharing is a vulnerable story about a personal blind spot – one that I honestly only ever thought I’d share with my closest friends.

I’m scared and excited.

I don’t often share personal things in professional settings. So, it’s a really big deal for me and I’d be so honored if you want to come join in the experience with me.

Part of why I don’t tend to share personal things has to do with professional boundaries.

It’s a judgment call, of course. But sometimes I see others in my industry use the word “vulnerability” when sharing something that strikes me as a positive spin on what is actually just oversharing.

Just my opinion, of course.

But my point is – I’m careful about it.

Coaching individuals for decades has taught me a lot about what really helps people realize their dreams and goals. What I know is that helping people see blind spots and clear the mental and emotional blocks that are limiting them is far more effective, transformational, and lasting than telling people how to live or what to do.

When it comes to my professional life, I only ever want to share something vulnerable when I’m sure it has purpose. By this, I mean, I need to be sure it enhances a message or teaching in a way that wouldn’t be as potent without the personal story. I don’t just share to share or to demonstrate vulnerability for the sake of it.

I want to first feel sure it helps deliver something that has the power to change lives.

And, this time, after much reflection, I’m sure.

I think it’s going to be an amazing experience where I get to share with you and, if you choose, you get to share with me too. And together, we can walk away from this powerful gathering clear about what is going to have a big impact for each of us.

Shining a light on socially-steeped ideas that impede people from living full-out is what helps create swift and positive change.

Removing mental and emotional obstacles clears the path.

And this naturally activates the momentum needed to create more of what is desired in life.

As I allow the natural momentum around my mission (to revolutionize and optimize the human experience by helping people create the life they think they cannot have), I am trusting this next iteration of where I’m being led.

Brule breaking provides a fresh approach and framework to deconstruct and challenge limiting perspectives. It shifts unhelpful habits. Brule breaking builds expansive levels of awareness, and establishes new patterns so that you too can create the life you think you cannot have.

I hope you’ll join me. To claim a seat at The Brule Breakers Brunch in New England on September 23rd, click here.

Big love,