by Tara Sage | Nov 6, 2023 | Applied psychology, Brules of Life, Coaching, Create Your Life!, Dream Accelerator, Tara Sage Coaching
On a good day, I felt restless. On a bad day, I felt like a caged animal.
Exasperated, I came home from work to my dark, musty, basement apartment – a glaring reminder that I was not just figuratively, but literally, underground. Drowning in student loan debt, I rarely answered my phone because collection agencies were calling me daily. Trying to find my way in the world wasn’t easy. Emotional and practical baggage of difficult family dynamics and estrangement seemed to be hitting me all at once. I felt like a victim of circumstances, dealt an unfortunate hand, profoundly alone in my struggles.
The job I begrudgingly got at an Ivy League university to establish some stability, looked good on paper, but my soul was dying, a little more every day. The last hour or so of each day was especially hard. Often finishing my work early, I’d sit at my desk waiting for the clock on the wall to say 5:00 so I could leave. I absolutely hated that.
Things were done in inefficient ways for no reason other than it’s the way they’d always done it. This felt archaic to me, but rethinking conventions wasn’t welcomed or encouraged. And the starched button-down shirt I wore, because I thought I should, felt like a straight-jacket, a costume that belonged to someone else – but not me. It all felt like an insult to my personal integrity, pride, and instinct for innovation.
I knew I couldn’t stay.
While going through the motions on all the things I thought I was supposed to do, I was losing myself. On autopilot, I’d drive to work, or the grocery store, or the gym (when I could get myself to go) feeling more and more disconnected from who I was. I wasn’t challenged, or inspired. I felt contained, micro-managed, and caught in status quo games that I didn’t want to play.
Truly, I felt like I was drowning, and I knew no one was coming to save me.
Underneath my restlessness and frustration, was a growing sense that I was meant for MORE, that this couldn’t possibly be all I was meant to do, be, or have.
I knew I needed to take the reins and reshape my life, to reshape my reality, to figure out how to not live in a basement apartment forever, to create a life that was my own, that reflected the truth of who I was.
It was from that dark, musty basement apartment that I gazed out that teeny-tiny window with a view of the sidewalk and the tires of cars passing by … and I’d dream.
I dreamed of having the freedom to travel when and where I please. Longing to work from anywhere, I dreamed of having my own location-independent company. I dreamed of a home with lots of natural light. Knowing I had books within me, I dreamed of becoming a bestselling author. I dreamed of wealth on my own terms. I dreamed of finding love. And I dreamed of having time and energy for creativity and play. I dreamed of making a positive impact, serving others in meaningful ways that made their life better. I dreamed of being myself without boundaries.
The voice of my soul, and seeds of my own self-actualization, were surfacing.
There was a huge difference between the caged, soul-crushing, autopilot life I felt constrained and uninspired by, and my dreams.
The problem was I couldn’t figure out HOW and where to find a bridge between the two.
A few things were missing, and when I finally figured those out, everything changed. Quickly.
What was MISSING was…
- Self-trust
- Belief that my dreams were possible – that dreams were not just for other people, but for me
- A way to see and transform my blind spots and expand my thinking
I needed to step up for myself, rather than waiting around for things to change, or others to approve. I needed to go from complaining about what my life currently was, to becoming the person that COULD and WOULD move out of it.
What I needed to LEARN was …
- How to manage my energy
- What to do with fear
- How to navigate naysayers
I needed the skills and support to take the REINS on my life, to listen to my heart, and really take ownership of the life I dreamed and envisioned for myself. I needed to get out of my head, stop fear from running the show, and shift my focus from all the seeming limits of my current circumstances to finding strategies and ways forward that I couldn’t yet see but chose to believe were there to be found.
What I needed to DO was …
- Get the right support
- Take brave consistent action
- Show up fully for what I was saying I wanted
I needed support from someone who’d been there. I needed perspective OUTSIDE what I’d already tried, a shift out of what had created the life I had, and into creating the totally different life I wanted.
So, I got support. And I changed my thinking. And I became a different version of me.
Spoiler alert: It worked.
Not only have I achieved my “impossible” dreams and the freedom I so craved, I have built a business and a profoundly fulfilling, decades-long career around helping others rethink conventions, chart their own course, live their dreams, rediscover themselves, and realize what’s possible.
I help you create the life you think you cannot have.
Your dreams, like mine, are fuel on your path to self-actualization.
The first step along the way to THAT life? Want the key to reclaiming what’s missing, to create everything you want for yourself, to finally make that change? >> The Only Skill You Ever Need
Big love,
.
PS – You know what doesn’t suck? I’m in San Francisco this week to attend a women’s leadership conference where my company is a sponsor and where my book is featured in the swag bag given to every attendee. 😊 Proof that dreams come true.
Ready for that dream life of yours? Grab my totally free and totally updated Only Skill You Ever Need guide and bonus chapter. It goes through exactly how to KNOW what you want, GET what you want, where to start, and how to face the uncertainty along that climb from where you are now to the life of your dreams.
by Tara Sage | Jul 17, 2023 | Brules of Life, Coaching, Create Your Life!, Dream Acceleration, Dream Accelerator, Tara Sage Coaching
Do NOT underestimate the power of small changes.
For example, there is a great big huge difference between:
“Can I change this?”
And,
“How can I change this?”
One tiny little word, but these two questions are WORLDS apart.
Last week, I shared about the power of awareness around those areas of your life where learned helplessness may have you feeling resigned to adapt, manage, and tolerate circumstances that you don’t like, wish were different, but that you don’t feel you have power to change.
I encouraged you to make a list, short or long, of examples of such things in YOUR life.
Doing this is powerful because chances are that, based on circumstances in your life, your history, and in your family’s history, you’ve likely adopted some degree of learned helplessness.
Said another way, you have been conditioned to tolerate a lot of unnecessary shit, big and small, maybe even to the point of believing that that’s just the way it is and just what you have to do.
This mindset creates blind spots, feeds apathy, and sustains resignation.
^ All dream killers. (Booooooo!!!)
Becoming aware enough to be able to shift or make a break in this pattern begins with awareness. So, if you didn’t yet make your list, doing so will be a powerful proactive step.
Rather than wait and hope and “maybe someday”, awareness alone disrupts the old pattern.
And, small changes add up!
This is why I recommend you start with the small things on your list. Depending on how ingrained your learned helplessness is, the smaller the better, to begin.
Look at your list of things that bother you and decide that you are unwilling to tolerate discomfort as a default.
Decide that you do not and will not resign yourself to this being just the way it is.
Decide that you are willing to start small and build your confidence to effect change, to minimize your discomfort or irritation.
Notice where learned helplessness has been leading your thoughts, behaviors, and your life.
There is FIRE to be found in this.
Let this motivate and fuel the changes you desire.
But, again, start small.
Because what it takes to build big self-trust and big belief about all the things that you are wishing and hoping will change, starts with you taking charge and eliminating unnecessary discomforts on small things.
Like, that drawer in your kitchen that sticks or won’t close all the way.
Fix the damn drawer as a symbolic step and as evidence to fuel your belief and your knowing that YOU can effect change, that you can influence your circumstance, and that you are done adapting to and managing discomfort, or defaulting to it needing to stay that way.
🔥
You are empowered and your standards go up – effective immediately, because you say so.
Again, recognize the learned helplessness response. Even to small things.
You may hear that voice in your head right now: “just deal with it, it’s no big deal.”
And in the grand scheme of things, it’s true that a drawer that sticks is not all that big a deal.
BUT – that annoying drawer (for example) presents a valuable opportunity to rewrite learned helplessness patterns. It also presents the opportunity to reclaim some of your precious daily energy that gets used every time you can’t close the damn drawer!
By starting with the small stuff and deciding “I am powerful, and I’m going to eliminate this annoyance…” you are building the MUSCLE of empowerment, rewriting the old learned helplessness response.
When the drawer – and every other example of unnecessary discomfort or irritation – becomes a known opportunity for you to empower your ability NOT to default to learned helplessness patterns, the sky’s the limit.
Every small change builds your confidence, breaks old patterns, and frees up energy for you to be that much more ABLE to take on the big stuff. As you have success with small things, you’ll naturally be able to span that out to the big stuff.
This is a very, very powerful practice and it’s just one piece of the work we do together in my Dream Acceleration Program.
You CAN rebuild your empowered sense. You CAN create your life to be what you dream it can be, and it starts by rewiring those apathy-feeding patterns.
Applying this approach can change your whole world and open the door to a new kind of freedom. And, the right support accelerates this process exponentially.
I am a pro-active force for change.
I am a compassionate fellow human, learning and growing with each new day.
I’m also a fierce facilitator of action.
The Dream Acceleration Program is the culmination of all I’ve learned and developed, to support YOU to step into living your dreams and experience the true freedom that life has to offer.
If you would like help bringing the dreams in your heart to LIFE, I‘d love to learn more about you, your dreams, and your challenges. Let’s talk. Get on my calendar today for a free Session with Tara Assessment call.
Rather than becoming more and more comfortable managing discomfort…
Rather than reinforcing the belief that you have no control…
And rather than inaction, or a whole lot of busyness centered around tasks that maintain your current circumstances…
Let’s raise your standards and do something FAR better.
Build your self-trust, build your self-belief, build your unwillingness to tolerate unnecessary discomfort, and build your empowered proactive momentum toward what you DREAM your life can be.
I’m here for THAT.
xo
by Tara Sage | Mar 16, 2023 | Brules of Life, Coaching, Create Your Life!, Dream Acceleration, Manifestation, Tara Sage Coaching
On a good day, I felt restless. On a bad day, I felt like a caged animal.
Exasperated, I came home from work to my dark, musty, basement apartment – a glaring reminder that I was not just figuratively, but literally, underground. Drowning in student loan debt, I rarely answered my phone because collection agencies were calling me daily. Trying to find my way in the world wasn’t easy. Emotional and practical baggage of difficult family dynamics and estrangement seemed to be hitting me all at once. I felt like a victim of circumstances, dealt an unfortunate hand, profoundly alone in my struggles.
The job I begrudgingly got at an Ivy League university to establish some stability, looked good on paper, but my soul was dying, a little more every day. If I had to sit through one more hour-long meeting that could have been communicated by an email, I was going to lose it. Things were done in inefficient ways for no reason other than it’s the way they’d always done it. This felt archaic to me, but rethinking conventions wasn’t welcomed or encouraged. Waiting for that clock on the wall to read 5:00 felt like an insult to my personal integrity and pride, not to mention that I’d finished my work hours earlier. And the starched button down shirt I wore, because I thought I should, felt like a straight-jacket, a costume that belonged to someone else – but not me.
I knew I couldn’t stay.
While going through the motions on all the things I thought I was supposed to do, I was losing myself. On autopilot, I’d drive to work, or the grocery store, or the gym (when I could get myself to go) feeling more and more disconnected from who I was. I wasn’t challenged. I wasn’t inspired. I felt contained, micro-managed, and caught in status quo games that I didn’t want to play.
I felt like I was drowning, and I knew no one was coming to save me.
Underneath my restlessness and frustration, was a growing sense that I was meant for MORE, that this couldn’t possibly be all I was meant to do, be, or have.
I knew I needed to take the reins and reshape my life, to reshape my reality, to figure out how to not live in a basement apartment forever, to create a life that was my own, that reflected the truth of who I was.
It was from that dark musty basement apartment, that I gazed out that teeny-tiny window with a view of the sidewalk and the tires of cars passing by … and I’d dream.
I dreamed of:
√ having the freedom to travel when and where I please
√ having my own location-independent company so that I could work from anywhere
√ a home with lots of natural light
√ becoming a bestselling author
√ wealth on my own terms
√ finding love
√ having time and energy for creativity and play
√ making a positive impact, serving others in meaningful ways that made their life better
√ being myself without boundaries.
The voice of my soul, and seeds of my own self-actualization, were surfacing.
There was a huge difference between the caged, soul-crushing, autopilot life I felt constrained and uninspired by, and my dreams. The problem was I couldn’t figure out how and where to find a bridge between the two.
A few things were missing, and when I finally figured those out, everything changed. Quickly.
What was missing was…
- Self-trust
- Belief that dreams my were possible – for not just other people, but for me
- A way to see and transform my blind spots and expand my thinking
I needed to step up for myself, rather than waiting around for things to change, or others to approve. I needed to go from complaining about what my life currently was to becoming the person that COULD and WOULD move out of it.
What I needed to learn was…
- How to manage my energy
- What to do with fear
- How to navigate naysayers
I needed the skills and support to take the REINS on my life, to listen to my heart, and really take ownership of the life I dreamed and envisioned for myself. To stop fear from running the show, I needed to get out of my head and shift my focus from all the seeming limits of my current circumstance to finding strategies and ways forward that I couldn’t yet see but chose to believe were there to be found.
What I needed to do was…
- Get the right support
- Take brave consistent action
- Show up fully for what I was saying I wanted
I needed support from someone who’d been there. And perspective OUTSIDE what I’d already tried, a shift out of what had created the life I had, and into creating the totally different life I wanted.
So, I got support. And I changed my thinking. And I became a different version of me.
Spoiler alert: It worked.
Not only have I achieved my “impossible” dreams and the freedom I so craved, I have built a business and a profoundly fulfilling, decades-long, career around helping others rethink conventions, chart their own course, live their dreams, rediscover themselves, and realize what’s possible.
I help you create the life you think you cannot have.
Your dreams, like mine, are fuel on your path to self-actualization.
The first step along the way to THAT life? Want the key to reclaiming what’s missing, to create everything you want for yourself, to finally make that change? >>> The Only Skill You Ever Need
xo,
P.S. Going after your dream life, finally living it, moving from your life now to the life you want to have – all of this can feel completely overwhelming! How do you know what you want? How do you GET what you want? Where do you start? How do you face all the uncertainty and that huge climb from where you are now to the life of your dreams?
There’s one skill that unlocks all the rest.
And my totally free and totally updated Only Skill You Ever Need guide and bonus chapter goes through exactly that.
Ready for that dream life of yours?
by Tara Sage | Dec 28, 2022 | Coaching, Dream Acceleration, Tara Sage Coaching
Naysayers have an unfortunate amount of influence over whether you live your dreams, for this one reason: Your own self-doubt.
How often do we do something, not do something, or change how we do something because of what people say? Or even what we THINK people will say?
Deferring to others is a symptom of innate self-doubt. And when the people you’re deferring to are naysayers or people who don’t want to see you make any changes, it can be the nail in the coffin for your dreams.
I know it may sound like I’m being overly dramatic. But unfortunately, in many cases, this is exactly what happens.
When people don’t receive approval or support from others about their dreams, it’s often at this very moment that their dreams die on the vine.
What can make naysayer navigation doubly hard is when it comes from the voices close to us.
This is why – if you want to not just dream, but LIVE those dreams – building self-trust and self-mastery is imperative.
Because when we fully trust OURSELVES and our own vision and desires, and when we trust ourselves to ACT and to BE, the words and opinions of naysayers, don’t stop us. We live our dreams.
It’s also why it’s so important to have a naysayer navigation plan so that the dreams in your heart don’t wither up like a raisin in the sun.
Look, if this stuff was easy everyone would do it!
The key is to align yourself with the right support while you grow in your ability to trust yourself. When you do this, you are strengthening the very foundation that your dreams and goals are built on: YOU.
While doubts and questions are normal and natural, most people stop right there.
But – this is 100% preventable. With the right support in your corner, this won’t happen because when doubts pop up, we bust through them right away. As we face each doubt and obstacle together, you’ll gain a growing sense of bravery, confidence, and self-trust. When old habits and default ways of thinking start sneaking their way back in and seem so real, together we will shine a light of TRUTH on those doubts and naysayer opinions and recognize and reconnect to what YOU want so you can step back into how you can create it.
It’s hard, sometimes even impossible, to do it alone.
Sticking with it, investing in support, and staying with the process are what is going to really set you apart .
Want to work with me? Apply now for my free Top Shelf Assessment Call.
Together, we’ll build that self-trust and self-mastery so that you can finally realize the life you are wanting.
Big love,
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